The Fourth Notebook

24

Cody POV
11/22/2014
Why didn't we see the signs?
James attempted suicide very early in the morning on the 18th. I was walking back to my room with a bottle of water from the vending machine and I thought it would be a good idea to check on James. His door was locked.
"James?" I called.
No answer.
I tried to jiggle the door. I tried pushing the door in but it was no use. I broke out in a cold sweat as I quietly ran to the front desk to grab the master keys. There were at least ten keys on the ring. I tested every key but none of them let me get into James' room. The last key made the door open. It was the most satisfying click of a lock. I slowly opened the door.
The darkness of night made it nearly impossible to see, but the moon cast a shadowy glow on everything in its path.
There, swinging in the moonlight, was James.
"James!" I cried.
I ran up to him.
"No," I whispered.
I picked up the stepping stool on the ground and climbed it. He was hanging from dozens of spare IV tube wrapped together into one rope.
"James? James, talk to me! Don't leave me! Come on, James!"
My shaking hands reached up to the A/C vent where he was strung up. I began to untie them, begging to God that he was still alive.
"James, we're going to get you help. James, please. Please, be alive."
The last two IV tubes that were holding him up snapped. I carried his limp, tiny body to his bed. He couldn't have weighed more than ninety pounds. He didn't move.
"James, speak to me buddy."
I laid my ear to his chest.
Nothing.
I started doing CPR based off of the training I had when I worked at Taco Bell. I never had to use it, but now I was hoping those cartoon charts would keep my friend alive.
30 compressions
Clear the airway
2 rescue breaths
30 compressions
2 rescue breaths
Repeat.
After what seemed like hours, he coughed and gasped for air.
"James! You're alive! Everything's going to be okay," I cried because he was alive.
He was startled.
Then he started screaming.
"No! Cody, why? Why couldn't you have just left me?"
"James, no! I couldn't just let you die!"
"I wanted to! No!"
He kicked me in the chest and tried to stand up.
"James, no. You-"
"You can't tell me what to do! I make my own choices! Leave me alone!"
The hallway light turned on and two nurses came in with a gurney. They tried to hoist him up but he bit one nurse and kicked the other. Two male doctors came in and forced him on the gurney strapping him down.
"No! No!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, "I hate you Cody! I f*cking hate you!"
His screams echoed down the hallway as the doctors took him who knows where.
I sat on the floor sobbing. IV tubes littered the ground like confetti.
F*ck you too, James.
I love you, James.