Beyond The Walls // Attack On Titan

Painful Memories | Keith Shadis

It's funny, isn't it? Seeing the person you love fall for someone else knowing you can't have them, that's what happened to Keith. Even if you two ended up together, you knew he was still hurting about Carla and you respected that and didn't talk to him much about it.

Hannes introduced you to Keith, since you worked in the Garrison with him. You three would go drinking together from time to time and eventually met Carla who was working at the bar you frequented. At some point, Grisha came along who was found outside the walls and claiming to be a doctor.

You and Hannes were on patrol when you found Shadis carrying Carla to the hospital where Grisha worked, you two snuck off there after your shift ended and started helping out. When Carla was cured, you and Hannes were helping the other citizens while Keith was distributing the cure.

You saw how hurt Keith was, his eyes screamed it out and you couldn't help but frown. He told you about his feelings towards Carla that she never seemed to notice or acknowledge, he told you about how he met Grisha and the things they talked about. Glancing over to Hannes, he shrugged and gave a sad smile.

Shortly after that, Grisha and Carla got married. You attended the wedding, congratulating the newly wed couple. At some point in the reception, Keith ran off so you followed him. You were worried for the well-being of your friend and it saddened you to see him so hurt.

He cried to you, he told you everything. He cried that she was with another man and he never told her how he felt, he talked about how he felt special and how he felt like a chosen human because of how Grisha highly praised him.

"If I'm such a special 'chosen' human, why did she pick him and not me?" he cried into your shoulder, you rubbed circles on his back and started shushing him.

"Don't say that, Keith. You are special, maybe just not in the way you see yourself." you told him, consoling him as he continued ranting.

As time went on, Keith was promoted as the Commander of the Survey Corps. You congratulated him when you saw him during one of your patrols, he thanked you before walking off. You noticed how he changed, he seemed miserable and always in thought. You chose to shrug it off, not wanting to pry.

Eventually, you met Eren, Mikasa, and Armin. You always happily greeted them whenever you saw them to which they greeted back. Whenever Hannes would get drunk off his ass and start teasing the kids or tell them who knows what, you scolded the man and told him to leave the kids alone.

But it was that one faithful day that changed everything, the Fall of Shiganshina. You were assisting in the evacuation, worried about your friends and the citizens. Spotting Hannes, you ran up to him only to realise the harsh truth about Carla's death and how traumatised her children were.

A day or so after, you bumped into Grisha and Keith. You brought them to the shelter where they woke Eren up and brought him into a forest, you wanted to follow but Grisha refused you from doing so. So when Keith got back, he explained it all and you could only stare at the unconscious child in horror.

"He's too young, what was Grisha thinking?" you whispered, gripping your hair tightly. You two sat in a bar, discussing the events that happened.

"I quit being the Commander of the Survey Corps, (Y/N). I failed so many times, the man I gave my position to, Erwin Smith, is more qualified. I'm not a special person, I'm a regular human. I'm boring and plain and I'm a failure."

You slammed your glass down on the table, clenching your fist. "Listen to me Keith Shadis, if i hear you talking shit about yourself again i will fucking punch some sense into you! I know you're disappointed that you didn't achieve much as the Commander but you have to realise that it was because it was sudden, it was too early for you. You are an intelligent and skilled man, I don't know how you don't see it."

"Even if you aren't special, so what? We were all born for a reason and the reason doesn't always have to be a grand one. I have been there for you at the very start, I'm also hurting too, Keith! We lost our friends and I can't bear hearing you look down on yourself so much!" you yelled at him, you were already a crying mess. Falling in your seat, you let out a sob.

"I'm sorry." his head hung low, he placed his glass on the table and clenched his fists in his lap. "I've been ignoring how you felt all this time, how Hannes felt. I've been focusing on myself."

A year after that, you two formed a romantic relationship. He was a Commandant in the Cadet Corps, and you retired from the Garrison when you two got married and were blessed with a child.

To pass time and earn a little more, you opened up a small flower shop that your daughter helped you with. She was still very young but enjoyed spending time there with all the beautiful flowers and colours.

"(Y/N)." a voice called out, you were behind the counter making a bouquet. Standing up, you see Keith standing there with his uniform, a tired look on his face.

"Eren.. he joined the Cadet Corps, he turned out like his father." he sighed, you walked up to him and engulfed him in a hug.

"It wasn't what Carla wanted." you murmured, rubbing your hand through his hair.

"He'll be fine. You're forgetting that he's a very stubborn and determined boy, and he has Mikasa with him." you comforted him.

He let out a sigh, "It wasn't what she wanted."

"I know, but we can't stop him. You can only push him to his limits and make sure he trains hard to survive. I know you can do it, Keith. I've told you this a million times but you're special, you're special to me."