Beyond The Walls // Attack On Titan

𝖾𝗇𝖾𝗆𝗒 | 𝖻𝖾𝗋𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗅𝖽𝗍 𝗁𝗈𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋

"I'm in love with you, is that so hard to understand?"

You clenched your fist, gritting your teeth as the tall man towered over you. His aura was scary to say the least, it was something that almost no one else had seen.

"I'm the enemy, why would you be in love with me? I should be killing you right now for figuring out who i am!"

"Then why don't you kill me already?" you yelled, jabbing a finger at his chest harshly. "You lied to me for years, comforting me about the fall of Wall Maria but here you were being the cause of it. I lost friends because of that and you told me that it would be okay, you said you would protect me!"

Bertholdt grabbed your wrist, "I said that because i meant it. You don't think i regret doing it? I lived under the same roof of my enemies, I ate the same food as them and even trained with them. I befriended them and at some point forgot why I was even here."

Moving your arm, you tried to get out of his grasp to no avail. "How do you think i feel? I really thought that what we had was something real, i thought we could get through this hell together but we can't. None of this hell will end until you or whoever you're working for stops this. Unless, you guys have no idea how to stop this too?" you laughed, sarcasm dripping from each heave of your chest.

"It's funny that you're telling me all this, i could easily report you and have you captured. But then again if I do that we'll have a repeat of what happened to Annie. So what exactly is your plan now, huh?" you asked, furrowing your eyebrows together as you glared at Bertholdt.

"I can't tell you anything. Nothing about why i'm here except that me and Reiner came from outside the walls." Bertholdt said quietly, his eyes were empty and dull. Did he regret this? Did he regret destroying the wall and joining the Survey Corps? Did he regret falling for you because of his mission? His grip on you was loosened as he dropped his arms to his sides.

"I'm sorry it has to be like this, i really am. Maybe if i wasn't the enemy we would be truly happy, maybe if the titans never existed we would've met in another way and fell in love too." he said with a cracked voice, "I'm so sorry for causing you pain, for killing so many people but you have to know i didn't have a choice. I had to do it for my family, to keep them safe." He sighed.

"What i felt for you was real, everything i told you was true. It was stupid of me to fall for the enemy but i couldn't resist. You are perfect in my eyes and it's so painful knowing that the reason i'm here.. i'm sorry."

"I won't report you, i won't report you or Reiner. If you're gonna run away, do it. I won't stop you. I won't forgive you for what you did but what i can do is let you do what you need to do because i love you. But just so you know, i'll never forget what we had no matter how much it broke me to know that you started it all." you placed your hand on his face, making him look up and into your eyes. Your touch was soft and warm to him, it was comforting and something almost like a mother's touch. Standing on your toes, you reached up and kissed his lips softly.

The sensation of your soft lips on his was almost addicting to him, he didn't want it to end. He didn't want to let you go, he wished you would run away with him. So when you pulled away and left the room, Bertholdt was left in the dark with his thoughts.

~~

Going through loss was never easy, you've known that since you were little. But watching your loved one being eaten by your friend right in front on your eyes was a whole different level of heartbreaking. Your friends knew what Bertholdt was to you and had a hard time processing it, they didn't exactly know how to comfort you.

All this time they thought you were unaware, and you were afraid to tell them that you knew because they would hate you for keeping it a secret. They would hate you for keeping it a secret because of love, because he was an enemy to humankind. So you kept quiet, except to one person.

"Armin, what did you see before you woke up?" you sat in the mess hall beside the blonde, it was fairly early in the morning and only the two of you were awake. Armin was reading a book until you arrived and decided to talk to him.

"I saw Bertholdt.. he was in his titan form and it was like he was crying? There were tears going down his eyes and half of his face was just a skull. Why do you ask?" he closed his book, facing you fully with a concerned expression.

"You're gonna hate me for this.." you chuckled, wiping any tears that were forming in your eyes. "I knew all along, i overheard him a few months ago talking to Reiner so i confronted him and then we fought. He lied to me, i really thought that it was some sick joke but it was true. He didn't tell me why they were here or where they came from. All he said that was he had no choice, his family was involved in his.. mission. I told him i wasn't gonna report him or tell anyone but i needed to tell you since.. since well you inherited his titan."

Armin sat there quietly, listening and processing every word you told him. "If you had told us back then.. we could've stopped them or maybe things would've gone worse. That's why you didn't tell us, right?" he asked.

"I was afraid of the outcome, we never knew what could've happened if i did report them. We suffered many casualties and i was so afraid, at the same time i told him i wouldn't do it and i didn't want to betray him. I didn't wanna be like him. I'm sorry for not telling you or anyone else." you looked down at your lap, forming your hands into a fist. "I knew you all would hate me, maybe even lock me up. But maybe if i told you we could've arrested them..? I don't know anymore."

Armin who was at a loss of words hesitantly wrapped his arms around you, trying to comfort you. "You loved him, you can't stop your feelings." he whispered, "You had to choose because either way he would have been executed or eaten. You just chose what you thought was best, many died because of it but there was no other way."

"Even if we did arrest them, i'm almost sure that they wouldn't tell us anything. At least now we know what to do and we were able to get to the basement. But thank you for telling me, in his memories he was really happy with you. It must have hurt a lot for him to tell you everything and watch you fight against them."

Burying your face in his shoulder, you nodded at his words. "Thank you for being so understanding, you're the only person i could trust." you sniffled.

"I'm just doing what he would have done." was his reply.