Beyond The Walls // Attack On Titan

Our Future Plan | Jean Kirschtein

The smell of gunpowder hits your nose harshly. Your eyebrows furrowing and the corners of your mouth tugging downwards in a frown, you loathe this feeling. Your fingers glide over the wooden body of the rifle in your hands, one eye shut and the other squinted as you eyed your target. With a loud 'bang' you had hit the hanging metal target causing it to swing violently back and forth. The weight on your shoulders only grows heavier after each shot. Your stomach churns and there's an aching pain on your forehead. Taking a deep breath you reload the bullets into your gun before taking another shot, it's right in the middle yet you don't feel a sense of accomplishment. You could only think of the events of that day.

It was too surreal, it was like a fever dream. Seeing the colossal titans trampling over innocent people and then gone like the wind the next. You could never shake off the feeling of what it felt like to be a titan even if it was just for a moment. A year had already passed since then but you could never shake that paranoid feeling. The ending felt too abrupt, too rushed, too much like something you would see in a fiction book. You also missed Eren greatly.

You currently took up a temporary residence in Marley as a peace negotiations ambassador for what was left of the Survey Corps. The work tired you out greatly and you often found yourself in the nearby shooting range to relieve your stress, but some days it just didn't work. You ached for a peaceful life back in your hometown. You ached for the days where things were simpler.

The wind grew stronger as you continued shooting until your bullets had run out, the smell of gunpowder was instead replaced by the smell of wet grass. You now found yourself standing in the suddenly pouring rain, the white fabric of your top clinging to your torso. Quickly grabbing your gun, you hurried indoors. Placing the gun on the counter you bid farewell to the owner of the establishment before putting on your coat and running out the doors. You cursed at yourself for not bringing an umbrella.

The rain never weakened on your run home, you were now dripping from head to toe. The faint light from your home flickers in the distance. Your legs started growing weak as you approached it, by the time you reached the gate you only stood there as the rain only grew stronger. Clenching your fist you choked back a sob. You were unbelievably tired and the effects were hitting you now harder than ever. Some days you found it hard to even get up from bed, you just wanted to sleep all your worries away and pray that the next time you woke up things would be different. A small part of you prayed to be back at Paradis as a Scout, waking up to Sasha's noisy antics and Mikasa trying to calm her down. You missed the noisy mess hall full of your comrades, the numerous scoldings you got from your higher-ups.

Although your younger days were some of the hardest times of your life, it was also the most enjoyable. You had met great people and allies that impacted you greatly. It was hard to think that most of them were gone and now you led a whole different life. Approaching the door with a heavy heart, you stepped into your home. It was quiet. A puddle formed under you as water dripped from your hair and clothes. You hear wood creaking under quick steps that make their way to you, Jean stands in front of you with a panicked look. His eyes are wide and his mouth agape.

Neither of you say a word, he knows what to do when you have days like this. He grabs a towel and wraps it around you tightly as he leads you to the bathroom. Turning on the hot water tap of the tub, you feel the steam hit your face. The man turns around as you undress and settle in the tub, your muscles relaxing almost instantly with a heavy sigh of relief escaping your lips.

He rolls up the sleeves of his grey henley shirt and grabs the bottle of shampoo that sat on the shelf, pulling up a wooden stool beside the tub and sitting down. He grabs a dipper, pouring water on your head before slathering on a handful of the shampoo.

"Another one of those days, huh? The rain must've worsened your mood too." he says as he massages the floral-scented shampoo into your hair, you find yourself leaning into his touch as it relaxes you. You nod your head.

"Is it because of that, again?" he asks, nodding your head once again. He lets out a small hum in acknowledgement. Jean, believe it or not, was more kept together than you. There were times where he would be ridden with guilt and stress, making him hide out in the bedroom with his hands covering his ears, but he recovers quickly after that. He knew how to comfort you and you knew how to comfort him, it works out well.

"It's just hard to believe how our lives are now, it's hard for me to accept it. I keep thinking that we're still young soldiers in Paradis." your voice comes out hoarse and dry.

He presses his lips into a thin line, pouring yet another dipper full of water on your head to rinse out the shampoo. "I know. But that isn't our life anymore. We're grown up and sadly this is how things turned out. We couldn't change back time even if we tried, we have to move on at some point."

"I've been trying to move on, Jean. But it's been so hard."

"Take your time. There's no rush for you to move on. Even if it seems like the world is too fast for you, you need to remember to take a step back once and a while and go at your own pace." he says. Before he could say another word he hears the sound of the telephone ringing from the living room, "I bet that it's another one of those annoying prank callers again. You can finish your bath." he grumbles as he rinses his hands and dries it off with a nearby hand towel before heading out. Cupping your hands, you splashed some water onto your face before continuing on with your bath.

The cold breeze hits you once you exit out of the bathroom with the towel wrapped around your body. With a shudder you walked through the halls and headed to your bedroom when you saw Jean's office door ajar, you could clearly see the large board beside his desk with the words 'Our Future Plan' in bold.

It was something you had come up with when you were 12. You and Jean were childhood friends and sweethearts, even making a childish promise to marry each other when you were older. Jean had taken that to heart and has been chasing after you ever since. At 12, you two would join the Cadet Corps. At 15, you would supposedly join the Military Police. At 18, you two would become officially engaged. At 19, you two would move in together. Finally, at 21, you were to be wed.

Of course the plan only followed until the Cadet Corps. After a turn of events you turned to the Scouts and things had become a whirlwind since then. Now you are 20, living in a whole new country that you wouldn't have expected even existed, a whole new set of responsibilities and expectations pushed onto you.

You find yourself twisting the silver band around your left ring finger unconsciously as you stand there. You didn't even hear Jean walking towards you.

"You're done? I set out some clothes for you on the bed." he says as he places his hand on your shoulder.

"Who was on the phone?" you ask, walking to the room and shutting the door. Jean leans on the closed door with his hands in his pockets. "Just Connie checking up on us."

You pick up the neatly folded pyjamas on the bed, slipping it on and patting it down. You put the towel around your shoulders and used one end to dry your hair.

"How is he?"

"You know how he is. Mostly bored, misses his mom, the usual." he replies.

Walking towards the door you turn the doorknob only for Jean to stumble backwards and into your arms. Your eyes widen for a moment but you smile, "Falling for me again, Kirschtein?"

He lets out a laugh. Standing up properly, "Wouldn't be the first time I've fallen for you all over again, that's for sure."