Thirty-Five
Kanina ko pa pinaglalaruan ng kutsara ang piraso ng cake sa harap ko. Paano ako magsasalita kung wala sa mood ang kaharap ko?
Pagod ba sya sa klase? O masakit na naman ang ulo nya sa migraine? Pero mukhang hindi yung mga yon ang dahilan.
Wrong timing.
"San ka galing kanina?"
Kanina? San ba ako galing? Sa school. At sa Grevin---kasama ko si Chan. Pero siguradong hindi nya naman alam yon, kaya hindi ko na kailangang sabihin.
"Sa school at sa library."
"Hm. School at library." Inulit nya lang ang sinabi ko ng nakatitig sakin.
Yung titig na maiilang ka at lalo kang magi-guilty.
Ano bang problema ng lalaking to?
"Ano nga palang sasabihin mo sakin?"
"Hm?" Nahinto ako sa pag-subo.
Oo nga pala. Ako nga pala ang nagsabing mag-usap kami.
"You said you wanted to talk about something." Nahihilo na ata yung mga ice cube sa loob ng kape nya sa kakahalo nya ng straw.
"W-wala naman, kakamustahin lang kita."
I dont know whats with him today. Pero this is not about migraine and school works.
The last time I saw this side of him was a year ago. At hindi kami okay non.
"Pwede bang ako nalang ang may sabihin?" His gazes are sharp.
Bakit ba ako natataranta ng ganito?
"What is it?" Pinilit ko paring hindi iwasan ang titig nya kahit pakiramdam ko may kasalanan ako at may itinatago.
"..."
"I will never break up with you."
Ano daw? That was smooth.
"Seungwoo..."
"If that was the thing you wanted to talk about...then you know my answer."
This is bullshit. How did he even get the idea?
"Break up takes your and my decision. And I said I am against it. Not unless you give me enough reason."
Nanliliit lalo ang mga mata nya sa paghi-hintay ng sagot ko.
"...what was the reason?" Paano ko sasabihin sa kanya ang dahilan?
Magsalita ka Ana. Hindi ka nakapag-handa sa ganitong scene, diba? You expected this break up to be smooth and Seungwoo to be forgiving. Talk.
"You're not even talking."
His laugh sounded irritable and dismay.
"So, I was right. Makikipag-hiwalay ka nga talaga ngayon."
I cant even look on his eyes right now and you expect me to talk back? I did not intend this to be this awkward. Para akong ginigisa ngayon sa sarili kong mantika. So, this was the reason of all those frown. Where did he even get this thought?
"Is it him?"
It is him. It is him. It is him.
Kaya pumayag ka nang maghiwalay tayo. I blamed myself for loving a family, and this is fucking tragic. Wag mo na sana hayaang pati pasakit mo isisi ko pa sa sarili ko. Nakikipag-hiwalay ako dahil masyado akong tapat sa sarili ko. If I can't have Chan in the end, which I knew I really can't...then I don't want you either. You are too dedicated and I just dont deserve you.
"...I'm breaking up with you, Woo."
"No."
"...please."
"No."
This atmosphere is getting warmer and still my body is freezing. Pakiramdam ko nag-yelo yung labi ko at ni hindi ako makapagsalita ng maayos.
"If Chan is the reason, then No."
Kung hindi ito matatapos ngayon, kailan? Naisip ko na ang katapusan nito ng ilang beses. With or without Chan, do I need a man with me? And that is a definite 'No' . The fact that I am inlove with a cousin is a twist, be it.
But the reason I am breaking up with my boyfriend is because I am not inlove with him anymore.
"I love him."
"You love me too."
"I did."
"But it is him again."
"..."
"So, everybody was right." Nag-iwas na sya ng tingin sa akin ng sabihin iyon.
No. They were wrong. Dahil ngayon ko lang inamin sa sarili kong mahal ko ang pinsan ko.
Junior high palang, palagi na kaming napagkakamalang may relasyon ni Chan. There was once this time na ipinatawag kami ng dean dahil sa isyung yon. Which they said was immoral.
Pinakiusapan ni Chan si Seungwoo na kaklase nya noon, na sabihin sa dean na sya ang boyfriend ko at hindi si Chan. But that was just the first time I met Seungwoo.
Alam kong inisip rin nya na may relasyon kami ni Chan. But he was a good friend kaya hindi nya pinansin yon. At nung umalis si Chan. He really made the effort para ligawan ako at makita ko sya.
"You knew the consequences behind this enigma, Ana."
Alam ko.
"You could lose your college degree."
Alam ko. And this is not just my degree dahil pangarap ko ito. I love this path.
"I know." Nakayuko lang akong sumagot.
"Then fucking stay with me."
Nagtataas na sya ng boses pero hindi parin eskandalo ito. Seungwoo still has his control. Hindi sya katulad ni Chan na impulsive.
"You can love your cousin with all your heart and I don't fucking care. Just stay with me."
"..."
"Just like high school days when you needed me."
"You will not hear judgments as long as I am your boyfriend."
Naiintindihan ko. But this is not about him anymore. Hindi na ako high school. I want to take charge of my mistakes. I mean it.
"...please, just let me be responsible for myself just this once."
Don't talk back anymore, please.
I heard him sigh. His eyes were pure anguish and animosity. Kung hindi ko sya kilala, baka matakot ako sa kanya at mag-mukhang maamong tupa na sasang-ayon sa sinasabi nya.
"I just let you broke up with me...doesn't mean we are done. Tell that to your cousin."
"..."
"Drive home by yourself."
Nakakagulat pati ang malakas na pag-lapag nya sa susi ng kotse sa mismong harap ko. He wanted me to go home by myself with his car?
Hindi ko alam kung matatakot ako sa kanya sa pagdadabog nya. O mata-touch dahil iniisip nya parin ang kaligtasan ko kahit naghiwalay na kami at halos magsigawan.
Am I being fair or selfish?
My faith to Chan is this great para makapag desisyon ako ng ganito. Bakit ko ginagawa ito sa sarili ko kung alam kong hindi ako mananalo at malaki ang mawawala sa akin?
Bakit ba palagi kitang pinipili, Chan?
🍀
CZYTASZ
Hello, Bloodline • Victon fanfiction✅
Romans"...This is the last time I'll say I love you so much. And I promise I'll be happy for the places where we are now. Hanggang mag-kita tayo ulit. But for now, I'm letting us go."
