Lucas pulls at the Chapel’s parking lot and I feel his eyes on me for a fleeting moment before he hops out of the car.
I should step out too but I’m just staring blankly at the rolled-up program in my hands, reminiscing about all the time I spent with them.
I should have been nicer to them, especially to dad and mom. I wish I wasn’t a pain in the ass most of the times _all the time._ I made the last twenty years unbearable for them and all they ever did was love me yet I wasn’t their biological daughter.
Back then I didn’t realize how lucky I was to have them. And it is too late now.
I’m feeling this hollowness in my chest and I can’t push out of my mind the fact that we are laying them to rest today. That I will never see them again and it feels like my world is soon coming to an end. Very soon.
I am assuming an air of strength in spite of the pain that I’m harboring inside but trust me this is not easy for me. I’m just trying my best to hold it together but deep inside…I’m hurting.
“The mass will start in a few minutes, we should go.” Lucas snaps me out of my study as he gets the door for me.
I don’t know if we are back to being friends but he has been really supportive for the last two days. He has been there for me both physically and emotionally and so has everyone else. By everyone else I mean the boys, Liz, Veronica and Jessica.
Jess flew back immediately when Nick told her what happened. She was knocking at the door two hours later and she has been with us too but every time I see her I get reminded of Elsa.
They don’t have anything in common though.
They are the only friends/ family I have and I really thank God for them. I don’t know what I would have done without them especially with the funeral arrangements. I don’t know how they reached the family. Robb and Elsa must have been really close, guess he had someone’s contact. I used to have their contacts too though we never got along with any of them.
“Belle?” I glance at him and swallow dryly before trying to step out but something holds me back.
“Your seatbelt is still on.”
“Crap.” I mutter and force a smile when Lucas leans to help me.
“I got this, thanks.” I tell him as I unbuckle the seat belt and he takes my hand in his after shutting the car door, he presses on the tiny remote in his right hand before tossing it in his pockets.
“You need to let whatever feeling you are bottling out.” I ignore that and pull my hand from his grip when I spot Liz and Veronica talking outside the chapel.
“I will talk to them, you can go ahead.” He shakes his head.
“I will wait for you.” I start walking towards them and Helen in her right senses decides to block my way. I grind my teeth and my hands curls into fists, she is starting to get to my nerves.
She is the youngest in mom’s family of four and she slapped me yesterday blaming me for her sister’s death. I didn’t return the favor instead I turned on my heels leaving her at Nick’s mercies, she should be grateful Nick doesn’t hit women.
I don’t have a problem with her slapping me, it’s her bitchiness I don’t like.
“I don’t have time for this, Helen.” She sneers at me looking me up and down with a disgusted expression.
“Olivia loved you. That’s the ONLY reason I haven’t snapped your neck yet but that doesn’t mean I will let you go unpunished. I will make you pay for everything pain she went through.” She stresses the word only.
