The Blue City

What I do

Well, it's time for me to preach/teach again. It's been a hot second since I've updated my random book and obviously the last time it was when I broke down about classes not being a thing.

I'm alright as alright can be right now. I'm not gonna say things are perfect, because they're not. But I've found temporary equilibrium. Or at least, I've hustled through it all the best I can. Because that's the best I can ask for, right?

Nonetheless, though, despite exams I've taken some time for reflection. See, I've been telling the stories of what I've experienced over the years, and how it's brought me to be the way I am. But you know, as I tell these stories I try to learn. And this time the lesson has been an interesting one.

I realized that it has been so hard to put words to what matters to me, and why it matters. I know I can tell a story and I know I can explain things because I freaking teach circuits. So why is it so hard to describe what it is like to be an EE? Why don't I know how to describe "what I do". Because when I talk to others I say "you know what I do". But do they? And honestly, do I?

I've come to the conclusion that I'm not sure. I have some ideas about what's going on, but first, I'd like to tell a story. It's a story of ambition. A story of both tragedy and happiness. But most of all, it is my story.

This story, I think, is best started in the fall of 2018. There's a lot of places I can start, as the timeline of this story really goes back as far as 2016, but I think for simplicity's sake we'll start with the moment that I became "aware" of what "ECE" was. (More on that later)

At this point I had long past entered into the engineering program at my university, as it was around mid-October and we had just started the circuits portion of our physics class. It was around this time that a guy named Daan began to take interest in me. Some of you may recognize that name, and yes, this story must start with him.

We were having to answer questions in class, and the first true interaction I ever remember having with him, was where I remember him saying to me that I should know the answer to this question. It was a circuits question, and he was vaguely aware that I was an EE, and I was aware that he was an EE. So he said I should know it. And, I did.

Nonetheless, though, him and I began to talk. And he began to tell me stories of electrical engineering. I heard about these people named Harrell and Reid, and how Harrell's circuits class was something to be treasured, and how Bill Reid was a character who was absolutely the most ridiculous and hilarious man ever.

I wanted to be good at circuits. I was inspired to be. I tried to learn how to breadboard and I memorized what I could of the circuits section of physics, not that it was all that useful. But I tried to live with it. And Daan and I grew "closer" throughout the semester.

And then he never took my contact info. I wasn't sure what happened, until on New Year's Eve I got a Facebook friend request from him. I remember thinking to myself that I didn't know who he was, and that I was going to delete it, but then I remembered and we started talking.

My first red flag probably should've been the fact that he was still interested in me even after I told him I had a boyfriend. Granted, neither of us were quite in the right at the time. See the whole reason that I even found out he was into me, was because I told him that I had a boyfriend by complaining about the fact that my father wasn't respecting that I did and that I doubted anyone would want to go out with me. At which point Daan was like 'I'd go out on a date with you'.

From then on, I had curiosity in who the strange boy who would want to go out with me was. Because wouldn't y'all?

So when I went back to the university in the spring, I tried to get to know him. The first time I saw him was at the dining hall at which point another guy named Nick kinda shoved his way into our meeting. It worked out though, because the three of us got together and went to the ever so frigid national championship parade the next day (if that'll tell you where I go, but honestly I don't care anymore because this is a story that must be told in as much truth as possible).