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                             apparently I'm like a person of interest in my department now?

As in, I have actual impact on people and I'm considered an involved student?

I don't know how this happened, but you know, I don't mind. All I do is just walk around and be like "ECE is great" , "I love ECE", "you should appreciate your professors because they love you" etc. And I'm a tour guide, but that's on Fridays only. And I tutor. But I don't even do that through the department.

Oh well, it is what it is. Maybe a little scary, but it is what it is.

But you know, apparently words have impact.

I always thought that my role as impactor was greatest on here. I have always tried my best to encourage y'all because I know writing is hard. Creativity is hard in general but writing is a thing that is so personal that it's uplifting and draining all at the same time.

I don't publish them anymore because that would require a title and cover and I'm too lazy to think that up and request it from Imber (who is and always will be a darling and an amazing artist), but I write a lot of poetry still. Which is why I know writing is hard. And we, as writers, understand words the most, which is why they're effective with us.

Or, at least, I've always assumed with me.

But you know, your words have an impact. I never thought mine did, until now.

It may sound cliche but everything you do to a person can mean the world. It may just be a coincidence, but the random acts of kindness you do can change a person's life entirely.

Like fostering someone's talents by putting them to work. Or even just saying hello to someone in the morning when they're looking at the ground. Or just being supportive of someone's decisions.

Even just writing a fanfiction can change someone's entire outlook on an issue, or maybe even life. I know that it's been that way with me. I've had fanfictions that have molded the core of who I am. It's why I believe in promoting and enhancing the storytelling of others, because we make so much more as a community than separate.

All of that matters.

So thank you all, because your words matter a lot to me, and you have a great impact on who I am as a person.

As for me, I never said this when I first wanted to, but I'm going through the journey of healing from someone else's impact and my reaction to that impact.

You know guys, I've been hurt very badly in the past. I mean, there's a reason I'm here and there's a reason I am who I am. Since I'm an older author here I've never really been asked to do one of those like #whywattpad challenges or anything like that. That's ok though, I'm sure some of you know the extent of what goes on in my life.

It's only recently that I've embraced the fact that being happy and smiling and being excited about something, is something that's ok.

It's hard though. It's a struggle because I'll be extremely happy with myself for being myself and then I'll go through waves of sadness for letting my inner self free. Like I'll visit one of my two favorite professors, be really happy about that for an hour, and then go into panic for 2-3 about whether I am making a fool of myself or not.

All I really want is to make good things happen.

I want to do the best I can do as an electrical engineer because it really is truly my lifeblood at the moment. I have such intense hopes and dreams and it's tough.

So I figured I'd probably write about them in my random book for y'all. I gave someone the advice a month or so ago to do this, because I noticed with myself that it truly helps to write down what I'm thinking. I figure I should probably follow that advice maybe to kind of increase my mindfulness about where I stand.

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