she's mine.

94

His eyes were dark and alluring. They pulled you in, never satisfying your craving, always leaving you wanting more. Their was always a part of me that knew I shouldn't get too close. The part that knew this was a risk. There was a piece of me yelling, NO do not put all of your money on
RED, NO. But the bigger part of me said, ignore her and put every dang penny you have on red, I know you will win.

I woke with the brown eyes that haunted me still lingering in my mind's eye.

Monday hit me full throttle. There was no swift motion to walk into this day. I hadn't seen Eli in practically a week, but now.. Here is was. Here was the day.

And as much as I wished I could tell myself I dreaded it, that I hated any thought of seeing him and any idea of talking to the boy who ripped my heart from my chest..

There was an undeniable piece of me that pulled me to the bathroom to pull on a sweater I knew he liked. A part of me that tugged me closer to the door, yearning to see those brown messy curls and know what he was wearing today. Would he be in all black with a splash of white the way he was at the fight? Would he still have eyes for only me and notice every small detail the way he did?

No.

Stop.

I could not- No- I would not allow myself to wonder those things about the man you practically lied to my face this entire time when I was with him. I knew I wouldn't be able to trust him like I had, not anymore. He had practically threw on a turtles shell and convinced me he was a turtle when all along he was a venomous jelly fish. It scared the heck out of me. I knew I would always be left wondering if what he was doing and saying was actually what was happening.

But again.. I knew there was no denying the fact that I spent a little extra time on my mascara this morning just to be sure..

When I got downstairs Jonny gave me a skeptical look and I looked away as he read me like a book- knowing the way I wore my hair and walked a little faster. I quickly looked away.

"I'll be in the car," I spoke in a monotone voice trying to not give anything away.

I mean.. not like there was anything to give away. A girl didn't need a reason to look cute, okay?

I headed for my brother's truck- not in a hurry at all.. When Jonny jumped in the truck and we took off, my nerves began to spike . Today was it. This really was going to be the day that I had to face what had happened.

Again I wondered what his eyes would hold when he looked at me again.. Would they hold the same admiration?

Would I look at him the same? What if he wasn't as beautiful as I had once seen him?

For some reason that thought began to panic me. What if all of that was lost? Was it all a facade? I couldn't seem to bear the thought of not seeing the man I had once held on such a high pedestal not up there anymore. I knew I wouldn't be able to trust him, but I figured seeing him would still be painful, but what if it wasn't?

"Can we stop for coffee?" I blurted out. I needed to stall, as much as possible.

Jonny looked at me as if I just spoke Chinese. "Uhm.. at the gas station or what?"

"Yah, yah. That's fine," I shrugged. I didn't care where I just didn't want to show up early.. or even on time.

"Alright," he turned off the main road to the small gas station. "Grab me one too," he reached into his pocket and pulled out a ten. "Black."

I nodded and headed inside. I took my time stirring the sugar and cream I added to mine before grabbing a cup and pouring a large black one. I paid and walked slowly out into the cold. I was wearing boots and thick socks yet my toes were still wanting to curl into themselves.