she's mine.

79

ELI's POV

The words ring over and over in my head as I splash the water on my face.

"I love you" she said. "I love you," came out of those sweet lips. The tenderness in her tone sends chills through me, even now twenty minutes later.

My thoughts ran wild as I stared at myself in the mirror. There would most likely always be faint bruises on my skin, and there have been dark circles under my eyes for the past two weeks that I will not be able to get rid of now, I'm sure of it.

How could she love this? I mean I know I said that I knew she loved me, but that was just me trying to build my own confidence when she didn't say it back right away. I may be a cocky son of a gun, but that shot my ego down real quick, let me tell you. Her eyes lit up like she was going to, then that light faded and she turned away. THEN goes on to pretty much label me as a womanizer.. Not that she was wrong- that had been a well known rep for a while now. But hearing that come from the woman I'd do anything for, was a little like a pinch on a bruise.

I mean, I know she cares for me, but I could bet money she would have done all those things that I had said for any one of the people in our little pack of wolves. If it would have been Jake who had to drive blind folded, she would have hopped in that car without a second thought.

She said she had never said this to anyone- I haven't either- but I can tell it is different for her. There was something in the way she spoke, even about our project, that held more weight than she led on. The word love cut deep for her. I wondered if it had anything to do with her father.

She said she only wanted to say it to one person, does that mean she can see herself marrying me? Will she stay? Is it even possible for a girl like her to love someone like me?

Maybe, just maybe.

But only because she doesn't know.. She doesn't know what I have done, or the type of man I truly am. She doesn't know the piece of crap person I have been. She doesn't see the blood on my hands that I will never be able to wash away, no matter how much I wish I could.

I sigh and drop my head. I have to tell her. I have to.

Rock may come tomorrow to put a bullet through me, and I will die with her believing I am something I am not. If she finds out after, what will she think of me? Will she have grace on me because I am dead? Or will it ruin the memory of me entirely?

I feel like I'm going to be sick. My head drops again and I take a few breathes, trying to blink away the blackness of guilt that constantly wants to consume me.

I think I would rather not ruin the idea she has of me I decide finally. She has some sort of picture of me in her head- some idea that I'm this great thing- which may not be true, but boy does it feel good to be held on that sort of pedestal. I don't want to ruin that.. Or at least if it's going to be ruined, I want to be the one to do it.

"Eli?" I hear her soft voice call my name. Oh, that sweet sound.

Maybe I don't have to tell her?

My jaw clenches as I remind myself not to be an idiot. I have to tell her.

"Yeah, yeah. Coming," I call back.

I dry my face on the hand towel and let out a breathe. It feels as if there is a weight on my chest, I wonder what it will feel like when I tell her. How will she react? I shake my head to get the idea of her trying to chop my head off or even worse, the tears I will see, and walk out of the bathroom.

She is on the couch in my sweats and shirt.

Gosh dang. My breathe hitched at the sight. Just freaking marry me already.