I pass the cup back to James propping myself onto the countertop. The drink was helping me space my boyfriend and his friends downstairs, they were probably occupied anyways rolling up and enjoying their party favors. Meanwhile James and I sit on opposite sides of the kitchen counters.
Why couldn't Jack have friends like James?
The bitter taste of his drink made the actually process of getting drunk unbearable, but it was still a better taste than the one Noelle's sour comments left earlier. This was beyond my beliefs, it was just natural for me to want to be universally liked, Noelle was making that extremely difficult.
James passes the emptying cup back to me, "How's West Reunion?"
I don't even want to touch on the topic of the mess school already was becoming.
"For a prestigious school filled with assholes and drama, not the worst so far."
"Aren't prestigious and asshole the same thing?" He questions.
I chuckle a bit at the light humor taking another sip from the cup before handing it back over to James.
"Why are you downstairs enjoying the party with your boyfriend and his friends?"
I glance over to the basement door finally realizing how long I've been up here. James refills the cup for the third time reminding me of how much i've drank so far. This feeling was definitely new to me.
"Shit," I mutter, "I'm supposed to be using the bathroom."
And with the drink filling my bladder I probably should have used it before getting drunk for the first time with James. I hope it wasn't noticeable, at least on the outside. The occasional hiccup brought the smell and test back up and aside from the slowed motion, I felt fine. It wasn't like the movies.
Over the summer Jack and I watched a movie where a guy drank himself away for a girl. He appeared unkept, unclean, and like he hit rock bottom. Drinking wasn't always an aid to depression and sadness, actually it was the best I felt since the Peak.
Oh, the Peak.
It was a swift reminder that Noelle didn't matter, nothing she said, the way she looked at me, none of it mattered. I doubt Jack ever touched her like that.
Oh, no.
Johnsons voice fills my head again, was the emotional connection he bought up actually just sexual?
Dammit.
-
On the route back to my house I sense Jack notices the unsettling silence in the car. I didn't spend any time with him or his other friends, they make me feel like a joke they constantly added onto, and I was supposed to uphold my nice good christian girl status.
Ironically I've been doing more sinning than good to even be justified as a "good christian" at the moment. I'm slightly intoxicated, I'll admit. The passing lights hurt my head and the sound of Jack's car was left an unbearable ringing in my ear.
Note to self; remind him to get a tune up.
While he's there ask the mechanic if he can fix my one sided uneasiness.
Luckily it was a saturday, I still have an hour till curfew but the space was very much needed. I can tell Jack wanted to ditch the prude and enjoy himself back with his friends anyways.
We stop in front of my house pulling me from overthinking anymore tonight. I struggle to find the door handle before slowly exiting the car.
"Thanks for the ride. See you Monday."
I step out of the car not bothering with a goodbye kiss and not willing to look back either. I didn't want to taste the liquor on my lips, and I didn't want him to see my far from sober state in my eyes either. The faint sound of another car door slamming captures my attention, I look over my shoulder watching Jack exit his car and make way towards the driveway.
"What are you doing?" I question.
"I can't let you leave with it this way," He admits.
I raise an eyebrow in confusion, "What way is that?"
"Listen, I know Noelle can be a bit of a bitch..."
I'm not sure what Jack planned to tell me but it can't be said ten feet away from my house where my dad waited my arrival.
I step towards him a bit, "I didn't say anything about Noelle."
"You never came back after you went upstairs, clearly something was bothering you," He quickly explains, "Or someone."
"Jack, Im fine. I just got caught into conversation with James," I quickly defend, "Its just late, I have church tomorrow."
The dull expression on his face doesn't change, he doesn't buy it. I wasn't hoping he would but I did need to say something to end this conversation and finish the night on a easy slate. I approach him slowly closing the space between us with a soothing kiss - hopefully the coat of mint chapstick masked any other smell.
"Drive safe, and goodnight."
He doesn't budge at first, sighing deeply and calmly he forces a small smile back, "Goodnight."
With Jack now gone, probably now to enjoy himself with his friends, I was only stuck with the thought i left for myself. How easy it could've been to let lose to Jack, tell him about his friends and my clashing lifestyle. I'm tired of my own conscious reminding me their opinions don't matter - if they didn't why couldn't I just say it to him?
Why am I so bad with communication?
Probably because it's better to spare people's feelings than make them feel bad for having feelings.
I toss my belongings onto the nightstand beside my bed and proceeding to fall onto the cold comforter. I embrace the smell of the downy laundry detergent, it's almost calming.
I guess the one truth tonight was my return to church tomorrow. It takes a lot of convincing for my dad to believe that Jack doesn't steer me away from my beliefs, i've been a no show at church since we basically started dating and my dad is probably searching for probable cause in Jack.
I need to return anyways, everybody knew so what's keeping them from talking?
I roll into my back picking up my phone from the nightstand, I stare at the notification from Jack - approximately two minutes ago when ask was pillow deep in bad thoughts and unbarring assumptions.
A red heart.
A single red heart.
Making Jack fall in love with me wasn't the problem, the problem was my own insecurities letting him.
***
James is the friend i always am, i'm never the main character lol
anyways, opinions?
