This Is England » Freddie Highmore

82.

MY HEART stopped the minute Amelia said yes to us trying again at being a couple. I wasn't expecting her to say that, nor did I expect her to say no. However, the minute I heard her agree to my proposition, my heart stopped -- and now I'm in awe at her response. She doesn't deserve someone like me. Hell, we don't deserve each other but somehow we keep running back. We keep connecting and I like it.

"Really?" I asked, a smile spreading on my face. "You really would like to try again?" I was in awe that she even agreed to us being together.

Amelia shrugs. "Why not?" she replies. "It'd be appropriate for the baby."

I then cup her face in my hands and kiss her passionately. "I couldn't agree more, love." I remove a hair behind her ear and smile. "I'm really am going to try harder this time, Am. Don't worry."

Without saying a word, she simply kisses me.

..

It was three in the morning and I couldn't sleep. I was awake with my mind wondering about the baby and Amelia's future with me. I loved her with all of my heart, there was no doubt about that, but what scared me the most is her leaving me again.

It's funny how I became like this. Vulnerable and in fear. I'm a leader of a top-notch gang and I am in fear. I used to not be like this. I used to sleep around, get drunk and high whenever I felt like it, and I had made thousands of dollars selling and distributing drugs. Now, I'm wealthy, somewhat sober, and am in love with the girl that's lying next to me; her hand instinctively on her stomach even though she's not exactly showing yet.

I look over at her sleeping body and smile. Her eyes were closed, lips shut loosely and her hair was sprawled on the pillow. I watched as her chest rose and fell, making sure she was still breathing. I rub her stomach softly, smiling at the infant that'll be growing inside of her.

Since my body was wired, I decide to get a glass of water. I carefully get out of my side of the guest bed and softly walk over to the door; careful not to wake Amelia up. 

Making my way downstairs, I finally reach the kitchen. However, as I was opening the dishwasher to grab a glass, the light flickered on.

And there, in broad lighting, stood my father. The man who used to beat my mother, the man who abused me. The man I resented the most.

"Hello, Freddie."

...