This Is England » Freddie Highmore

69.

IMMEDIATELY I stood up and grabbed my car keys. "What's going with Mum?" I asked, now fully alert to my surroundings and the situation at hand.

"She's not eating much. Doctors have her using a bloody oxygen tank because she's gotten to the point where her breathing is rigid." Bertie sighed. "I'm scared, Freddie. I want Mum to get better. I want her to see us graduate. Ye know?"

At this point, I was already out the door with a bag of clothes in my hand. I went towards my car and tossed the object in the back. "Yeah, I know." I replied, the same fear of my mother possibly dying panging at my chest. "It'll be alright, bro. Just relax. I'm sure she'll be fine."

When those words left my lips, I knew that I was lying to myself. I was lying to Bertie, too. However, I had to show hi, that it was good to be strong. I had to be strong for the both of us.

"I hope she will be in the end." Bertie replied. "Anyway, I got to go. Dad's coming home soon and I have to go get him a Scotch before he beats the shite out of me."

I rolled my eyes. "Dad's still there?" I asked. "The fucking prick should have been gone by now with the amount of drinking and cheating he's done!" I slammed my hand onto the wheel as I started the ignition.

"It's his house, dude." Bertie said simply. "He's not going to budge."

I shook my head, then let out a frustrated sigh. "Figures." I replied. "Anyway, I have to go. I will see you later on tonight, yeah?"

"Yeah." Bertie stated. "See ye then."

With the phone cutting off to the end of our conversation, I put my device in the cup holder and flipped on the radio. Without another moment of waiting, I pulled out of the parking lot to my flat and began to head on over to the misty roads of England.

..

As I continued to drive within Highgate, I couldn't help but feel leery of the entire ordeal of seeing my family. I love my mother to pieces, and Bertie is considered one of my best mates -- and it wasn't because he's my brother. It was the fact I was going to be face-to-face with my father; the man I despised so much. I didn't want to make this trip worse than it already was due to certain circumstances, but if it came down to it, I would make sure my father knew who truly ran the Highmore household.

Just as I turned onto the highway, I started to feel anxious even more than when I stepped out of my flat. I felt dizzy and my hands began to tremble. Okay, I told myself. Pull the fuck over, Freddie. Relax.

I pull over on the side of the road and sat back, taking in a big breath.  I needed something to calm me down, but sadly, I didn't take a bag of weed with me. As I sat there, looking up at the clouded skies above, I thought of Amelia. I thought about her and everything started to become at ease. Then I came to realize something: I needed her. I needed her on this trip with me.

I grasped my phone one more time and immediately went to her contact. I dialed her number and by the third ring she picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hey," I replied. "how have you been?"

Silence wavered over the other end. "I've seen better days. How are you?"

"I've been alright. . ." My voice trailed off. "Hey, can we talk? In person?"

"Why?" Amelia asked flatly.

I sighed. "Because I want to see you." I simply replied.

"Well I don't." she snapped. "I don't want to see you. Especially after you abandoned me for an old hag."

"Can I please come get ye? Please?" I pleaded. "I really want to talk about this, I want to talk about anything with you. I just really need you here and --"

"-- I'm on campus." She cut me off. "Come get me at the parking lot." she then hung up without a word.

Without hesitation, I pulled out from where I was and began to drive. As I drove, my heart started racing again, but it wasn't because of the previous reason.

It was because I was going to go see Amelia, and that was all that it took for me to let go of the anger I'd held against her for so long. I was in love with her and that was enough.

She was enough.

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