This Is England » Freddie Highmore

70.

I WAITED in the parking lot for Freddie to come get me. I honestly didn't want to see him, but because he wouldn't stop begging me to talk, I gave in. Since my birthday happened, I haven't really been doing much aside from school. I've tried having one-night stands and even attempted a few possible relationships, but unfortunately, I couldn't bare to pursue one. Even throughout all of the nonsense, Freddie still had my heart. A part of me loved that aspect, but a bigger portion of me hated it with every fiber of my being.

I pulled out my phone to check the time: 10:36 AM. He should be here any minute now. I also noticed on the screen that he had sent me a text.

Here.

I looked for the familiar car we had driven in from New York. I spotted it and immediately trotted over to the vehicle. When Freddie and I locked eyes, Freddie opened the door for me while still sitting on the driver's side.

I reluctantly got in, shutting the door behind me as a cold breeze nipped at my skin in a bitter greeting. "Hey." I said, attempting to be nice.

He gives me a small smile. "Hey." he begins to pull out of the parking lot. "Do you mind if we go somewhere?" Freddie asks.

I shrug. "I don't care." I reply bluntly. "What is it that you wanted to talk about?"

"Everything," Freddie replied, stopping at the light, turning the radio down a bit. "about us. About other things that aren't regarding us. I just. . . " he sighs. "I really missed ye."

Scoffing, I cross my arms over my chest. "You didn't seem like you missed me when you were at the bar with that old bat. What were you doing with her anyway?" I asked.

"Why do you need to know?" The man with disheveled locks asked, his voice coming off a bit bitter.

Biting my lower lip, I shrugged once again. "Just curious. That's all."

Freddie turns onto the next intersection and before I knew it, we were at the McDonald's parking lot. "It sounds to me like you've been jealous this whole time. I personally think ye don't need to know because it's none of yer bloody business."

"I wasn't jealous!" I snapped, facing him. "It may not be my business, but at least I don't make someone believe that we're becoming a thing just so they can ignore me in the end!" I clenched my jaw. "I felt really bad for not saying yes, and I really hate the fact that you're with her. What the Hell does that broad have that I don't?!"

Freddie groaned. "Amelia, you're not making fucking sense!" He retorted. "I'm not with anyone! At least, not anymore." He sighed.

I scoffed, looking out the window. "Oh, what's the excuse this time? You got drunk off your head and couldn't stop thinking of me while she rode you?"

"For your information, it was because her fucking husband found out," he replied, causing me to go in shock. "and for the record, she doesn't have anything close to what ye got." Freddie scanned at me up and down. "Look, I'm sorry for not replying to you. I was just lost. You know, last night was the first night in about a month that I actually grieved over Max? I missed you and then my younger brother called me."

I scanned at him back. "What did he say?"

Sighing for the umpteenth time in this setting, Freddie looked out the window. "It's about my mother." He breathed. "She's not doing too good." He drummed his fingers on the wheel. "That's why I asked if I could see you."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

Freddie turned to look at me, and within his tired, black-bagged eyes, rested the tenderness I adored a month ago. The same tenderness that occurred when he pulled the car over that one time to tell me I was beautiful.

"Because," he began. "you make me feel protected." He says. "I feel safe when I'm with you."

..

      I felt my cheeks rise to a crimson color as I blushed. I didn't think, after all this time of knowing Freddie, that I would make him feel safe. Usually it was the other way around -- it was him that made me feel safe.

He paused for a moment, turning away to face the window. I didn't think of it then, but it hit me minutes later that Freddie was starting to weep. What was going on?

Freddie returned his gaze back at me. His eyes scanned at me up and down, then they'd stop at my lips, then eventually they rested on my eyes. "It's my mum," he said. "Bertie called me this morning and told me about her health. It's not good and he had asked me to come over." He sighed. "I don't mind doing that, the only problem is that I don't want to see my dad. He fucked my family over many times, and apparently his arse isn't going to leave the house for good, I have to make sure things are okay. That's why. . ." He ran a hand through his hair, turning up the radio dial up.

I nodded. I knew Freddie hated his father. However, I wasn't sure I would be good company for this. I did reject his proposal awhile back. What good would it be to partake in this ordeal? Although, despite my own thoughts, I listened.

"That's why you asked me to hang out with you?" I replied finally. "You wanted me to go with you, didn't you?"

Freddie nodded. "Will you?" he asked. "We can talk about everything, and try to clear our heads."

I nodded. I was wanting to be a good friend. But something inside of me wanted something more. However, maybe having our relationship on hold might be a good thing. Maybe if we talked things over, we'd come to an agreement.

I give him a little smile. "Yeah," I replied. "I'll go."

...