This Is England » Freddie Highmore

55.

   IT HAPPENED again. The nightmares never left and they keep getting worse. After I told Amelia I was fine, I laid awake; wondering how I was going to tell her about my brutal past. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand, checking to see if I had gotten any texts from Bertie, my mum or even the rest of LFOUR.

   Turns out I had received a notification that I was invited into a group chat. Accepting the invitation, I start to text Max and everyone else.

Me: what's up, mates? How's it going in L-Town?

Max then replied a minute later.

Max: L-Town? Seriously, dude? You high?

Then Luke replied, and joining his reply was Calum.

Luke: Who cares if he was high? Guys, come on, it's Freddie we are talking about! Of course he's going to get stoned.

Calum: Yeah! And now I'm hungry. Agreeing with you guys can make a guy want the entire Picadeli Circus.

I snorted, finding Calum's response to be amusing. I honestly didn't understand why L-Town came out, I guess I just wanted to sound cool. I know I'm already cool, but I still have to keep up to date with my coolness.

Me: to answer your question, no I'm not stoned. I just wanted to sound cool. I know you guys worship the ground I walk on, but I have to keep up me stamina.

Everyone else replied simultaneously.

Luke: The only person I worship is God, man.

Max: Yeah, dude. God rocks!

Calum: JESUS IS LIFE.

Me: Yes, He is. Anyway, what's been going on over there in England?

   I waited for a reply, but no one did for quite awhile. Just as I was about to close my eyes and try to go back to sleep, my phone vibrated once again.

Luke: Well ever since you left, a lot of shit has been going down.

Me: like what?

Calum: Like Dameon tormenting us. He's been stealing our stuff, and he's been looking for you, man. When are you coming back? We can't take on that fag on our own.

Me: I'll be home soon. Just needed a break from all of that stuff. Just hang tight.

I then decided to turn my phone off, letting it charge as I turned to my side and pulled Amelia close to me. I really didn't know how to tell the love of my life about my past, and to be perfectly honest I was scared to. What if she walked away again?

Before I dozed off, I placed a peck on the side of Amelia's neck and inhaled her scent. I would tell her soon enough.

I just had to find the right time.

…

          We checked out of the hotel at 7:50 in the morning and raced towards the airport. I hadn't turned on my phone since I woke up, and I didn't feel like it either. I just needed to not think about what I was going to return to back at home.

Amelia sat in the window seat, pulling out her ear buds. I noticed her staring at me. It wasn't admirable, it was a concerned look. "Are you okay?" she asked. I puffed out my cheeks as I exhaled. I didn't know what to answer.

Do I tell her I needed to talk about my past, do I tell her about what to expect when we came home, do I just tell her I'm fine? I honestly did not know,  but the idea of talking to her about the things I had gone through as a child and teenager made my heart race in fear, and telling her about the gang's troubles would only make her question things.

So, I only said the only thing I have been saying everytime someone asked me that question.

"Yeah, love." I said, stroking her hand with my thumb. "I'm fine."

But I really wasn't. . .

…