STRAIGHT | hyunin

thirtyfive

hyunjin sat down on the soft chair as he gulped dryly. feet tapping the floor, fingers fiddling, lips bitten.

he was nervous.

just the thought of minhyun's answer put shivers down his spine, thinking that maybe–

he had to let go for his hyung again.

he had to be the one to suffer again.

but he found second times as rather, unfair.

he wasn't always this selfish, he never really was.

but he didn't want to let jeongin go.

he knew that maybe he was going a little way too fast. jeongin might not even feel the same way. wait, not might, he was quite sure at some point. since jeongin is straight.

but wether how much hyunjin tried his hardest to stop his feelings for jeongin, knowing he's still the one to be hurt in the end–

he still loves him.

everytime he looks in the mirror, he sees a pathetic man who fell inlove with someone who couldn't return his feelings since they were the same sex.

he tried to be homophobic at a certain point.

but he was supposed to be scared of himself.

he wanted to learn self sufficiency, self love. since his mother always told them to accept themselves no matter what. and the freedom made all of her three children homosexual. 

he found himself quite funny. like a dumb walking hoax.

hyunjin chuckled, finding himself overthinking as rather funny.

"stop overthinking. start thinking positively." hyunjin repeatedly said the same wordsnover and over again, the same ones his mother always told him.

hyunjin sighed once more before the door chimes started to ring along with the café's entrance.

minhyun looked around the café before finally spotting hyunjin and waving with a smile plastered on his face.

"hyunnie!" minhyun said in glee before giving hyunjin a high-five.

hyunjin giggled lightly, finding minhyun silly. "hm, hello hyung."

"so what did you wanna talk about?" minhyun said with a smile.

he seems happy.

"i wa-" hyunjin sighed, "let's order first." the younger said before raising his hand to call for a waiter.

they both ordered, minhyun trying to initiate some small talk with hyunjin who only answered shortly.

stop being a coward. push trough your anxiety.

"so, really though. what'd you want to ta-"

"i wanted to talk about jeongin."