after you left |ai|

26

"I'm still trying to figure out why you're here instead of with your family." I said to Ashton while our eyes were glued on the tv screen. He came over an hour ago with a bag of popcorn and six beers, asked if I had time to watch a movie so we've been sitting on the couch for an hour while I should have been preparing for tomorrow's classes.

"They were driving me crazy so I just needed to get out for a little while. They're staying for a month so I can spend a night without them." He replied with a slight chuckle, I could feel his eyes on me but I couldn't look away from the screen. They were about to catch the murderer and I did not want to miss that.

"I do still have some work to do so after this movie I have to do that." I said with a sigh, "If you want to spend some time here, it's alright but I do have to work."

"Oh shit I'm so sorry, I'll go after this." He said so quickly, I looked away from the screen to look at him and he looked so sorry. I placed my hand on his arm with a smile on my face and he seemed to relax a little right away.

"It's alright, but really, you're free to stay and watch another movie." I replied and he smiled softly. I looked back at the screen and placed my hand back in my lap but I could feel his eyes burning holes in the side of my head. After several seconds, he looked away and placed his arm on the back of the couch behind me and I had to resist every urge I had to lean into him.

We sat there in silence while we watched the last few minutes of the movie but my mind was somewhere else. My mind was trying to figure out why I couldn't just lean into him while I did it every time before. My mind tried to figure out what has changed over the past week. Because on our last Thursday dinner, we cuddled all through 2 movies on his couch and I never thought twice and now I can't even lean into his touch.

"Can we talk?" He asked when the credits rolled down on the screen and neither of us said a word. He removed his arm from the back of the couch and looked down at his hands that were neatly folded in his lap now. I turned my body to be able to look at him, I was suddenly nervous as the words left his mouth.

"About?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. I quickly moved a strand of hair out of my face but my eyes never left his face, I tried to figure out what was going on but he was hiding his emotions like he used to do.

"You and I" He mumbled and I stayed silent, to give him room to talk and to find the right words. "I'm fucking terrified just to say this and everything that comes after it only make me more scared. But you deserve to know the truth so I have to tell you even though it terrifies me." He rambled as he got on his feet and walked away from me, he was pacing through the small living room but no word left his mouth. I got up from the couch and grabbed both his arms to make him stop pacing.

"Breathe." I said to him and he looked at me, pain and insecurity filled his eyes while he took in a deep breath.

"When we met 4 months ago, I was an absolute mess and I was broken. Piece by piece you put me back together and I am terrified that what I'm about to say is only because of that. That it's just because of the feeling of safety you give me. The last thing I want is for you to be my rebound but I think I like you, Elle. I still need more time and I need to figure this all out but when I think about you, a smile comes on my face and every time I see you my heart skips a beat. I realised that when I first started to write songs again a month ago. It was only when I was done with the song, that I realised I started writing about you. That you gave me a reason to write again, a new source of inspiration and I think I like you Elle. I like the way you dress and I like your smile and the stories you tell. I like that you care so much about others and that you-" He rambled so quickly and despite me saying his name several times, he never stopped and he didn't even seem to hear me.