Pain

72(the big day)

*READ A/N AT END AFTERWARDS*

it had been a rough eight months. my mother had been too depressed to eat, let alone continue on with her relationship, so her and David ended things. my father had been told of the news, and called me several times but eventually gave up because I never called him back. Louis had been a supportive boyfriend and father, reading to the baby bump every chance he got. the media had uncovered that I was pregnant with Louis' baby, but it had the same reaction as to when zayn got back together with perrie, and declared that they were getting married. people were upset, but got through it.

I could still see the sadness in Louis' eyes every time he looked at me, and I wanted nothing more than to survive this and be with him forever... but it just didn't seem like that would happen. we both knew that.

my cancer had progressively gotten worse, and dr. Carey informed us that was bad for the baby, which was pretty evident but we were still freaking out about it. the doctor said that, if I ever feel like I'm dizzy, or have major chest problems then I should see him ASAP and we should do a C section, but if everything goes well up to the due date, we'll have a natural birth.

Harry, Niall, Liam and Zayn have been with Louis and I through thick and thin and I knew I couldn't have asked for better companions in my last few months.

the due date is precisely two days from now, and I'm nervous as fuck. dr. Carey said that it could happen any time from now, till then and maybe after. I can't be certain, the baby will come when it's ready. as of now, I'm trying to get my mom to eat something.

"please, mom. eat the pizza I ordered. I got your favourite vegetarian toppings..." I bribed her but got no response.

I set the tray down, and sighed. I crawled into the bed with her, ignoring the fact that my stomach was way too big to fit on that tiny twin sized bed, and cuddled my mother.

I couldn't judge her, or tell her to smarten up because I knew exactly how she was feeling. I once felt that way too. but I felt much better once I threw away my razors, and said goodbye to my depression. I forced myself to be happy for the last few months I was on this earth.

I refused the last thing people would remember me by to be how sad I was. no, they'll remember me by my perseverance, my courage and my dedication to be a better person.

"I am so sorry." I sniffled. I never wanted this to happen. then, suddenly, my mother said her first words in six months.

"I'm so sorry." I looked at her quizzically.

"I made you the way you were. I thought I was helping you, shaping you into a better person because that's how my mom taught me, but it only made you depressed. I saw that when we sent you to therapy the first time, but I just couldn't stop. it was like a drug, a challenge. I blame everything on me, and i am so sorry." she said all of that so quietly, I almost couldn't hear, but I did. I heard every word, every syllable and every meaning behind the words laced with love. I knew those were the only words I would hear from her, and I guess she knew those were the only words she would get across to me. an apology for all her wrong doings.

I got up, left the plate on the table, and sat on my bed with nothing but my thoughts, (and the pizza box) consuming me.

from, louis😍:

we'll be at your place in two minutes. love you.

I sighed happily. I can't wait to see my boys. I also can't wait for the company. I feel lonely right now, and I don't like it.

--

"heyyy!" I welcomed them in neighbourly, being sure to quiet down so my mother could get some rest.