Pain

61

{*WARNING*: INAPPROPRIATE SEX SCENE COMING UP. IF YOU WANT TO SKIP IT, PLEASE GO AHEAD AND DO SO THIS CHAPTER IS NOT ONLY SEX.}

•Two weeks later•

Louis and I were getting ready for another early bedtime, due to the fact that I was getting really tired lately, and Louis just wanted to spend as much time with me as he could before having to leave in another three weeks.

"Are you sure you want to go to bed?" Louis winked, sliding under the covers. I laughed, extremely fatigue.

"Keep it in your pants, yeah?" It was Louis' turn to laugh, but instead of droning out the positive attitude, he took a different approach: kissing me, rolling on top of me.

I don't mind, I'm laughing even, as Louis and I smile into the kiss. It wasn't a romantic kiss, or an intimate one. It was more like a playful kiss.

I turned Louis over onto his back, straddling his waist, letting out a groan he deepened the kiss, our tongues rubbing against each other like our lives depended on it.

His hands were rubbing my back, mine cupping his chin and stroking his cheeks. I rubbed my sex against his dick, repeatedly doing that until I heard a deep throaty groan.

"Fuck, keep doing that." Louis breathed, and I obeyed, continuing to dry hump my boyfriend.

He rolled his eyes back, putting his hands on my hips and stopping my movements all together.

"If you keep on that, you're going to make me go in my trousers. Hold on." Louis lightly laughed.

Louis)

I grabbed a foil packet from the bedside table, Chanel watching me with turned on, slightly innocent eyes.

We quickly took off our clothes, determined to be as quick as possibly with the removal of clothes.

Chanel put the condom on me, laughing when she did it wrong..(who puts a condom on wrong?; well, obviously my girlfriend)

I ended up putting it on in the end, positioning myself at her entrance until she stopped me, asking if she could top.

"Are you sure? It's only your second time.." I bit my lip, staring at hers counting down the seconds until I could kiss her again.

"Yea, I'm positive." She replied, biting her lip as well and I wondered if she was waiting to kiss mine too.

"okay." I flipped her over gently, so she was straddling my waist again.

She positioned herself, getting confused as to where to put it. I laughed at how adorably innocent she was being, and did it for her. She eased onto it slowly, our gasps and her whimpers filling the silence.

The sound she makes when I fill her is Music to my ears. It's such a beautiful sound, just like she's such a beautiful person.

She parted her lips, and bit her bottom one as soon as she was half way. Her eyebrows were knitted together in concentration, although I couldn't help but wonder if she was still hurting. It wasn't like the second time was blissful or anything, or at least I've heard that it wasn't.

I don't know. All I do know is, if she is hurting id take the pain from her in a heartbeat. I love Chanel too much, and I don't want her to feel anything less than a princess, I don't want her to feel anything other than pure bliss, as I am right now as she sinks lower onto me so she was sitting my my stomach.

She let out a soft cry, squeezing her eyes shut, and then relaxing.

"What do I do now?" Chanel whispered, really confused and embarrassed. I replied with, "just move around. I want you to feel good."

She started rolling her hips back and forth, uncomfortable at first but after a couple of minutes she got the hang of, moaning out profanities as she went along.

I stuck with the usual 'fuck,' seeing as it was the only word I could conjure up in my head at the time being.

"Louis, oh my god..." Chanel whimpered. Hearing my name fall from her heavenly lips alone made me want to spill into the condom, but I held on for her to finish.

She started rolling her hips faster, until her breathing became erratic and her eyes were closed. I shook my head, tilting her head up to look at me.

"Keep your eyes open, I need to see you." I instructed, and she nodded, as we both rode our orgasms whilst staring at each other.

Chanel lifted herself off of me, and sat crossed legged on her bed, me tossing the used condom in the garbage can beside her bed.

"I love it when I can be that close to you, that intimate with you." She timidly spoke, and I smiled at her.

"I just love you." I replied, and she blushed.

"Why?" She questioned me, and I shrugged.

"Because you're beautiful, you're nice, you're the perfect person and I couldn't be more happier that I've found you. Chanel, I think you are the most gorgeous girl I've been with." I replied, and rubbed her arms soothingly, but she pulled away after I felt some hard thin lines.

Fuck, she's still cutting herself?

'Of course she is, you idiot.' My subconscious scolded me, and I reminded myself of what was more important: Chanel and her insecurities, not me fighting internal battles with myself.

"Chanel, let me see your arm."

She shook her head like a six year old would've done if you had asked them to come to you out of anger, but I was calm. More calm then I should've been.

"Come on, I won't be mad like last time. I just want to see." I promised, and she sighed as a tear rolled down her cheek.

She gave me permission to gaze at her arm, holding it out in front of me. I grasped it, and looked her in the eyes. I need to tell her how much she means to me before it's too late.

"Do you know how much I love you?" I asked her after two minutes of staring at her scraped arms, cuts deep enough to be infected.

Tears were forming in my eyes as I realized how truly broken the girl in front of me was. How, not even I could help her. She thinks she doesn't deserve me, but in reality I don't deserve her. she has all these insecurities that don't mean jack shit to me. She thinks she fat, but I don't think so. Granted, she does have meat on her bones, but I prefer thick girls over skinny models anyway. she thinks she ugly, but I think she's gorgeous without even trying. She thinks she doesn't belong in this world, but she's here for a reason, and I believe part of that reason is me. I'm not the half the man I am now, without Chanel. She's brought a new sort of light into my life, and for that I'm so grateful. Lastly, she puts the blame on herself for something that wasn't her fault to begin with.

Her only flaw is that she thinks she has flaws, but still, I love this women despite that flaw.

I can't believe she doesn't see how much she means to me.

All I did was kiss her arm. Not because I think her scars are beautiful, because I don't. I kissed her scars because I want her to know I'm not judging her for what she does, but only that I'm here to help. I need her to know that her addiction to self harm, is going to be helped by her boyfriend and she has no say in this. I want her to know she has me whenever she's feeling down. I want her to know, I'm here.