Pain

68

"Louis, why are we doing this?" I laughed, closing the hotel door behind me.

"I don't know." I could tell he knew what we were doing here, but I didn't want to push him.

"Chanel, I love you so much." Louis teared up a little, and started kissing me as if his life depended on it. He started feeling up my shirt, cupping around my bra as his tongue explored my mouth.

Never in a million years would I have thought that I would get lung cancer. Ever since grade eight, I knew I wanted to die. I knew it from the age of thirteen that I didn't want to exist, but to get lung cancer?

I don't know if I'm ready to die now that I'm staring death in the face. If I fight this god awful cancer than that's it. I'm never talking about suicide again. I'm never attempting it ever. If I fight this cancer, I'm going to live my life to the fullest. That's a promise.

"Wait, do you have a condom?" I asked once we were on the bed, Louis hovering over top of me. He nodded, showing me the silver and blue packet he was waving in his hands. He rolled off of me, and landed right beside me. I heard him rip the package, and him unbuckling his belt.

When I looked over, he was fumbling with putting the condom on, and I looked back over and smiled at the ceiling. This is honestly just so perfect, and I wouldn't change a damn thing.

--

Louis)

This is wrong, this is so wrong. Maybe I should do this with a better condom. I grabbed the cheapest one I could find before we got here, knowing full well it wouldn't work.

It even says 78% chance it will work on the damn package, and to prevent a damn baby that's a fucking lot.

What's my plan? To get her pregnant so that she'll want to stay alive? Why force her into that?

You need her to survive.

Yeah, but if she doesn't want to survive for me than what's the fucking point? I've always wondered what depression feels like, and a world where cancer wins over my fucking girlfriend sends me right to that point.

I can picture myself unmoving, and lifeless without her. I can feel and hear my heart breaking. It feels inhuman. Like you're not really breathing, you're just there.

What will happen to my career if I get Chanel pregnant? I don't know, honestly but I'm not thinking about that. I just need her to stay alive.

That's my motivation, that's the fucking turning point for me. That's where motivation to do this comes into play, I have to do this.

I rolled back on top of Chanel after I put the condom on. I looked into her eyes, and I knew this is what I wanted. I need her.

I aligned myself at her entrance, watching her eyes dance with wonder and need. She put her arms around my neck, and I lowered myself so that my head was in her neck, as I buried myself inside her.

--

Chanel)

The moment Louis was inside me, I felt pure bliss. I felt a pressure inside my stomach I haven't felt for a whole year, and I missed it so much. I missed the feeling of him around me, filling me to the point where I let go completely. I missed feeling wanted, and I just missed him.

"Fuck." He let out under his breath, and thrust into me. He rolled his hips back and forth slowly, squeezing his eyes shut tightly.

I whimpered, and squirmed under his grasp. He opened his eyes with a worried expression on his face.

"Fuck, did I grab you to hard or something." He was rushing his words as if we didn't have much time, which we didn't because everyone was expecting us for lunch in twenty minutes.

"No, keep going." I whined. Louis nodded whilst smiling, then formed his mouth in an 'o' shape when he thrust into me.

I mirrored his 'o' expression, the feeling so overwhelming I moaned loud enough to annoy the people next door. Louis hit a spot I never knew existed, resulting in me letting out a sound between a gasp and a pleasurable moan.

"Fuck Louis, go faster." I half moaned half whined, to which he obliged. he quickened his pace, giving me much harder thrusts then I could comprehend.

I squeezed my eyes closed, Louis quickening his pace even more than before. Our moans filled the small room. I stopped Louis. He looked confused for a second but I flipped us over so I was on top.

Louis didn't say anything as I quickly rolled my hips back and forth, although his facial expressions said it all. I rested my hand on his leg, leaning back so I could move around with easy access.

My moaning made Louis smile, him bringing his hips to meet mine with every roll of the hips I did, which made him go even further in me, taking me to cloud nine.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." Louis breathed out as he let go. When I let go a second after, I yelled his name out and sank further onto him in exasperation and exhaustion.

I rolled off of Louis, and sighed happily. He reciprocated my content state, his hands supporting the back of his head.

"Wow." I smiled, turning to face Louis' beaming smile directed towards me. I cringed away, the cancer in my chest caused my lungs to pound in anger, and Louis looked at me in confusion.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, my chest hurts but I'll be alright." I don't think I will be though. I feel like I'm staring death in the face everywhere I turn, and it's slowly killing me.

--

*three weeks later.*

"I'd like to try the chemo therapy." I smiled politely at Dr. Carey. Louis, my mom and David, my mothers boyfriend were all in the doctors office with me. Sadly my father went back to Alberta, and the boys had to rest for a little while because they don't always get days off like this.

"Okay, before we get into that I need to ask you a few questions regarding your personal life, and so on and so forth." The doctor smiled. He then looked around the room, at my mom and her date.

"Alone, with the boyfriend please." He sighed. My mother took the hint and guided David out of the room, leaving just Louis and I with our doctor.

"Okay, I'll ask you a series of questions, and you'll answer truthfully so we know if you're physically ready to start chemo therapy."

Louis and I nodded, Louis squeezing my hand in comfort.

"Are you allergic to any medication, chemicals?"

"No, I'm not allergic to anything doctor."

"That's good. Are you still smoking?"

"No, I stopped that weeks ago."

"Very good. Are you sexually active?"

"What kind of a question is that?" Louis butted in, but I stopped him.

"A very common one," I glared at him. "And, yes. I am." I looked at the doctor.

"Okay, that's all I needed. I just need to give you some x-rays to see if everything is okay, and we'll see you in one week."

--

[a/n: SORRY ITS SHORT BUT I DONT WANT TO GIVE AWAY ANYTHING HAHAHAHAHAHA THE NEXT ONE WILL BE LONGER, PROMISE.]