Nowhere

XLIX - Forty nine

•Duri•

I stopped my tracks, I really didn't want to go home this time. I wanted to stay, but as soon as I ducked my head and shoved my phone in my pocket it started to rain heavily on my back. My hair getting slathered in water as I walked at a slow pace, I started to think, I started to think so much nothing but hunks from cars were background noise.
Was I really just living for nothing? I never treated myself honestly and the real me felt nothing but hurt, like a broken glass could have feelings. I start to forget where I actually was and I forgot how it felt like to cry for a moment but everything was coming back to me like a broken record.
I wasn't ready to move forward. I wanted to just tear the page here, rip it out of the book and burn it so the ending will be to my satisfaction. I didn't want to think of JaeBum, I didn't want Yugyeom to help me and I didn't want Yugyeom to ask for help. I didn't want any of the stuff that might've made it much better, so why live on if the only thing I do is act like someone my Father doesn't adore any longer and frustrate the only person I want to adore more then anything.
Maybe it happened too fast, maybe I could've done something to stop it but all the things that could've happened... never happened at all. "Out of the road!" Someone yells I don't move my head and just glance at the floor under me. It was a street. My heart beats quickly and I turn my head to look at the objects around me. BEEP! BEEP! "You'll get hurt! Move your ass onto the sidewalk, kid!" Their shouts sounded like echos and my mind read them as warnings but my body stood the same like I was tied up in one spot; unable to move.
ZOOM! I hear wheels come closer to the street. I figured it was people racing but I still don't move, I keep still and my mind clears up. I started to slowly let my feet fall frontwards, The strong force holding me back was now gone and I start to walk and feel as if a gush of wind take my breath away. Like I was back to normal. I turned my head to the car that was suddenly closing in on me, before my eyes could even snap back to reality my vision got clouded and nothing was felt, I felt nothing. My vision got foggy and it almost turned into a shade of black, but I was awake though, I could still feel the rain stab my skin lightly as I raise my hands to figure out what was on top of me but I couldn't feel anything. It was probably the sky since all I felt was droplets of
rain.
I shifted my eyes onto my hand, I could barely see what was on it but when I focused I saw it was covered in dark red. It was hard to tell if all my fingers were intact but once I move my hand to a side my body jolted in pain. Before I could scream in how much my body hurt I was out like a light.

•

The soft sound of beeping echoed into my ears, noises of cars zooming past me followed like waves in the ocean. once my eyes fluttered open to see a bright white light they shut again. Pain radiated up my body like I was being consumed alive, about to let out a scream of agony I bit my tongue hard till I tasted an iron liquid and even more pain, I only wince and feel as a small tear seeped through my clenched eyes. My hands grasping the sheets under me tightly as ever like I wasn't going to make out alive.
Finally, when my eyes got used to the harsh bright light I looked around me and once I finally figured out why I was lying on a white hospital bed with needles poking at my skin I let out a heavy gasp, I lay my head back and give in to a small sob, I never felt so messed up before. I never felt so disappointed in my life. I really did want this... once I heard my heartbeat again, rage mixed with sadness overcame me. I really wanted this to end me but somehow it didn't. "You're awake." A hear someone with a light voice speak, I look towards her.
She was pretty... her hair straight and her eyes a light brown, her lips pink and her skin tan, her face long and a big nose that contrasted perfectly. I stare at her, "We called the first person on your contact list since it was an emergency." She says in a tired tone, she pulls back her hair and sighs, "The young man said he was coming as soon as possible but he's taking a while..." I wonder who that'll be... I slowly nod my head, making sure I wouldn't hurt myself during the process. "Oh!" She gasps, I flinch and automatically hiss in pain, she didn't seem to notice since she smiled brightly and said, "I'm your doctor - doctor Pak. and I had a few things to talk to you about."
My heart stopped. Did she check my body? Is she going to ask me about my mental health? I wasn't ready... "What's your sexual orientation?" I stay silent, "I... don't know..." she hums, "When I looked around your body there is healing bruises that caught my eye, it was visible, not just on your anus but let's say on near your thigh, it was that bad. It looked painful to even sit. Do you know where you got them?", I don't respond and she catches my gaze and moves on. Of course, it hurt to sit, it hurt to do anything, really. "Do you talk to anyone?" She questions, I shake my head on this one, "It's either you get help with a therapist or We'll have to send you to a mental hospital." Her voice turns stern, she looks at me with seriousness and I slowly nod, I don't want any help.
"Let's talk about the car crash.", once she said those words I felt a lump at my throat, I look at my arms that were covered up in scars and needles. She speaks, "Witnesses said you were standing there doing nothing and a car over the speed limit went towards you, am I correct?", "Y...yeah..." I struggle to speak, "What were you thinking about while walking?" I swallow hard, "I don't remember." Although if we had a lie detector it'll go off in a second. "You don't?" I nod, "Umm.. okay, We will keep you on medication to help the pain of your broken arm and broken ribs subside.", explains why it's hard to breathe... I only nod and she stands up, "I suppose you have a visit soon. This young man will be questioned as you have. He seemed really worried about you." She looks down at me. I look away and sigh, Maybe it's Yugyeom... who else would it be? He's the only one who worries about me the most.
Although I want to leave I can't shake off the feeling that I miss him.

To be continued...

Sorry I didn't update yesterday :(