Childhood Sweetheart

Fourty Three

I woke up at about 3 in the morning I heard Jaylin crying, calling for me. I went in his room and he was just crying all crazy and I didn't know what was wrong, he reached his arms out to me and I was scared. I turned the lights on then I picked him up, his mouth was bleeding bad, and I pulled out a piece of glass that he had been chewing on. Where the hell did he get glass from, I was calling for Damian, but he wasn't answering me then my voice went blank, no words was coming out my mouth and I turned around there was Denise with a bat in her hand and she went to swing it at me. Then I woke up. "omg it was just a nightmare" I got up out the bed to check on all three of my kids. They were sleeping peacefully. That dream had me not wanting to go to sleep so I sat in the chair in Jaylin room and just watched him sleep. I worried about him so much. He started to wake up and started crying until he seen me sitting there. "Mommy" he said. My only boy I felt like I had to watch him the closest. I picked him up and put him down as soon as we got down the steps. He wanted eggs and apple sauce it was his favorite. He didn't really like to eat meat he would spit it out. Damian came down stairs with the girls. I knew it wouldn't be long before they woke up. I was making breakfast for everybody already. Jayla love biscuits, I made some and gave her eggs with one sausage. Rayne on the other end she like potatoes only. Damian made his breakfast smoothie for him and the kids. He would always say that was his breakfast. My mom came in the house with this depressing look on her face. I was wondering why she didn't come upstairs she normally would be up earlier than anybody, but she been gone all this time. "What's wrong mom" I asked. She came in and sat at the table and said "I found out today I have breast cancer I been having pain and lumps in my breast for a while and I finally decided to go to the doctors and that's what they told me" she said. "Oh no mommy, what did they say you have to do?" I asked. "I have stage 4 breast cancer lovebug it already started spreading to other parts of my body I been feeling these lumps and pain in my breast for over a year and I am just now deciding to go to the doctor, and it may be too late" she said. "Mom don't talk like that please don't" I said as I tried to hold my tears back. "There are medicines available that can help slow the growth and spread of breast cancer tumors" she said. I couldn't believe my mom didn't go get her breast checked in over a year. I was going to do everything in my power to make sure my mom was good. I felt sad for the rest of the day. She stayed in her room and didn't come out. I made her something to eat and tried to cheer her up. She ate some of it, but she said she just wanted to go to sleep I stayed up all just thinking about my mom. When I called her doctor the next day, she explained everything to me and that my mom would get worse before and if she gets better. I cursed her doctor out then hung up the phone because I don't need that negative energy my mom can and will overcome this.

2 weeks later my mom had to get an emergency surgery and they cut her breast off. She was on bed rest for awhile and she was constantly throwing up. The medicines they had her on wasn't agreeing with her body. I was tending to my mom 24/7. Damian had to look after the kids. I was overwhelmed and I hated seeing her like that, she was losing weight I didn't even recognize her because of how small she was. By the 8th week of her being sick. I went down to check on her like I always did in the middle of the night and she wasn't breathing, and she was turning purple and blue in the face, I panicked and yelled for Damian mom. I knocked on her door and told her to get up. She came in and seen my mom lifeless body just lying there and she wasn't moving. "Oh god No! I felt my heart racing, I felt numb, I couldn't breathe. Damian mom went to go get Damian and he came down stairs, looked in my mother room and put his hand over his mouth. He grabbed me and pulled me in close as I broke down. How am I supposed to explain this to the kids they are to young and they not going to understand. We had a rough morning; it was hard trying to keep the kids from wanting to go down stairs. The people from the funeral home arrived finally and took my mom body out the house and that's when I really broke down. She was gone to soon. Nala rushed over to be by my side. I was emotional as hell. We all just sat around and watched video of my mom with the kids. She's in heaven now with Michael and my Nana. My mom was my everything and I don't know how I will get through life without her here with me. Rayne kept asking where she was at. All I could tell her was she not here right now. The twins didn't know what was going on all they knew was that they wanted to be with her in the basement. Planning her funeral was too much. My mom left everything to me and the kids.

The day of the funeral had come, my nerves was bad. Every little thing made me frustrated. Rayne buckle on her shoe had broken and I started crying, Damian came in her room and told me to go get myself together and he had the kids. Nala knocked on my bathroom door, "Sis open up" she said. I opened the door and she hugged me so tight. Angela walked in right after Nala did. Over the past few weeks I learned that she was down to earth and after the dinner we started texting and she was very supportive with everything even bought a bundle deal of my hair care products and referred me to a lot of her friends. I made a killing off them alone in 1 week, I was sold out. When she heard of my mom passing, she agreed to help with the funeral and be a friend to me. I wasn't big on making friends, my only friend was Nala, but she is my sister. My mom told me that it was good for me to meet new people before leaving me here because she was more than my mom she was my best friend also. Nala was nice to Angela we all hung out a few times. "Are you ready hunny?" Angela said. I took a deep breath and said yea. We all left to go get in the limo and head to the funeral, even Kenny was being supportive. We had to learn to forgive because life is short.

My mom service was beautiful, lavender was her favorite color, so her dress was lavender. She had white and lavender flowers. Her obituary was full of pictures will all of us. Nala had connections, she got Yolanda Adams to sing at my mom funeral. Rayne kept saying she wanted to go with her Nanna once they closed the casket. It was hard keeping my composure for the sake of my kids. Jaylin mood was all over the place it was like he wasn't feeling it. He stayed in Damian arms the whole time. Michelle Obama spoke about her small encounter with my mom when she came with Nala and me to one of their dinners. Everyone went up and shared their moments and memories with my mom. It was almost my time to go up there but Nala went first. Nala said "when I first met her, she treated me like another daughter, she even gave me the nick name Na Na and she reached out to me when I was back in town trying to find Janay and when we found out that Janay was my biological sister our bond grew stronger and I could talk to her about anything. She was so down to earth, and I am going to miss her I love how she raised you Nay she is always with you in spirit and I am right here with you, my nieces and my nephew." I felt the tears coming down my face. I went up to speak and Damian was right there by my side. I got through my speech halfway before I broke down again. The worse part was watching them lower her in the ground. I got my dress dirty from crying in the dirt. The day was overwhelming, but it was over, and my mom was at peace with my grandmother and her husband Michael.