what a blesiv - I (unedited)

| f o u r t y - s e v e n |

Alex's point of view:

"Olivia?" I questioned, feeling my chest tighten at the sight before me.

She freezes, locking eyes with me.

"Alex, it's.." she looks at Carlos, then back at me, "it's really not what it looks like," she spits out.

"You're in my bed with Carlos. I think it's exactly what it looks like," I say. I don't even feel tears coming, I just feel numb. Like a brick is pressing down on my chest. "How could you do this to me?" I questioned, quietly. "Was it something I did?"

"Alex no," she said, getting up to comfort me.

I bat her hand away, "don't touch me. Just leave," I said pointing to the door.

"Alex I love you," she cries.

Carlos sat there, frozen, "wake the fuck up!" He shouts.

"Alex, wake the fuck up!" I jump up, and groan seeing the lights shinning in my faces again.

"What?!" I asks covering my eyes.

"We're at the hotel, we have about two hours before the show we gotta get showers and stuff," Carlos said.

"Where's Olivia?" I asked, noticing the bus was almost empty.

"I sent her up to get a shower first, you know how girls are," he says with a playful eye roll.

I give him a nod, not really meeting his gaze.

I grab my stuff and quickly finding my way into the fresh air, taking it in. "You head up I'll be there in a few."

Carlos gives me a questionable look, but nods patting my shoulder and leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I place my bag down on the ground, sinking next to it.

Carlos and Olivia? It has to be because he just talked about it. Maybe I'm more nervous about it then I thought? Seeing something like that makes me feel some type of way.

Does she want to be with him?

Breathe Alex.

Could he make her happier?

Just take a deep breath.

What if something actually happened on the plane?

I can't breathe.

What if he could give her what I can't?

Focus on your breathing.

Up and down.

Up and down.

Up and down.

The feeling is unbearable. I feel like my whole world is falling apart over some dumb dream.

I grab my bag, just needing to talk to Olivia.

I quickly run up the steps, finding myself on the third floor.

Room 323, our room, fumbling with the key. I take a deep breathe struggling to breathe, and pushed it open.

It's getting harder to breathe by the second, and I feel myself gasping for air.

I sit on the bed, not knowing how to handle this.

"Alex? What's wrong?" Olivia questions, rushing out of the bathroom.

She patiently waits for me to talk. "Anxiety.." I gasp for air, "attack."

"Oh okay, hold on," she rushes over to the fridge pulling out a water bottle. She stands in front of me, signaling for me to drink it.

I take it with shaking hands and gulp it down, still feeling the nerves in my bones.

I feel the tears welt up, "I can't.. I can't control it."

"Alex baby, look at me," she says grabbing my face with her hands. "I know this is scary but I promise you the more you panic the worse it'll get." She said, attempting to lock eyes with me. "Please just look at me," she begs. When I don't she crashes her lips into mine, and suddenly everything slowly washes away.

"How did you know to do that?" I asked.

"In teen wolf when styles was having an anxiety attack Lydia kissed him and it helped. It makes you stop breathing for a few seconds and focus on something else or whatever?"

I take another deep breathe, appreciating the smoothness of the way it goes down.

"Take another sip," she points to the water. I do as I'm told, and then face her. "Where did that come from?" She asks, frowning.

"I had a dream," I started, catching her attention. "It was you and Carlos in my bed. Clearly cheating and I woke up not able to breathe."

"Me and Carlos..?"

"Yes."

"Are you worried something's happening?" She questions.

"No," I answered quickly. "Yes?" I question, "I don't know maybe!" I groan, in frustration. "I'm scared I could loose you."

Her face softens, "Baby," she sighs, placing her hand on me. "I don't like Carlos like that. I told you what happened on the plane so you could trust me."

"I do trust you. I.. of course I do," I sighed, running my hands through my hair.

"Are you sure?" She questioned.

"I do, yes, I do," I confirm. "I'm sorry," I frowned.

"No need to be sorry. You feel the way you feel, you can't change it."

"You're so understanding, I love you," I sighed, kissing her cheek.

"I love you too, are you sure you're okay? You've never had an anxiety attack like that. It's usually me," she chuckled.

"Yeah, thank you for helping me," I smiled, gripping her hand.

"Anytime. Now go get a shower, you'll feel better," she said shoving me towards the bathroom.

"Take your time. Just remember we leave in an hour and a half," she said, "I'll pick out your fit so you don't gotta worry about it."

"I love you," I sighed, placing a long soft kiss on her lips.

"You know I love you, now get moving," she says giving my butt a smack.

I turn around smirking, knowing this is how I want to live for the rest of my life. Doing stuff like this forever. With her.

authors note:

I was having a really bad anxiety attack today and it still won't go away so I decided to write about it. This is how anxiety feels honestly.