what a blesiv - I (unedited)

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Olivia's point of view:

I find it really hard to calm down once I get an anxiety attack. Although I'm not in the situation where I'm getting the anxiety, I just feel it in my blood after the fact. I don't feel shaky but I just feel weak, and drained. My head hurts slightly and my chest feels heavy. Lying in bed, I find it hard to sleep it off.

I toss and turn. I look at my phone. I put my phone down. I count even try counting sheep, nothing works.

It comes to the point where I can't even breathe, and I begin to panic.

I call the one person who I know can help.

ring.
ring.

"Hello?" Their voice echoes through my ears, and I find it hard to speak, "Olivia, why the fuck are you calling?" Same old Diana.

I hold my breathe, hanging up.  

I guess it's just a reflex at this point, because I regret it instantly. It grows my anxiety so much more, and my gut twisted. 

I type in Alex's number, and he answers within the first ring.

"Livy baby, what's up?" He asks. He sounds happy. I can hear the smile in his voice.

"I don't want to ruin your fun, but I am having an anxiety attack I can't calm down. I-I.." I hear my voice crack, and the worst part is I can't even explain why I'm crying. "I don't know what to do."

"I love you. I'm coming," he said in a soft tone.

"I love you," I sighed. Hanging up.

Within a second he was walking through the door.

"What's going on? Do you know what triggered it?" He asked, quickly making it to my side.

"To m-many p-p-pe-ople," I sobbed.

He pulled me closer into his chest, rubbing my back lightly.

"Shh, it's okay. It'll all be okay," he coo'd.

I tried to drown out my mind by just listening to his voice, it always calmed me.. this one was just different.

"Here let's lay down?" He asked, and I nodded in response. "I'm going to get you water out of my bag okay? Just put one of these in," he said gesturing to one side of his headphone.

I did as he told and put them in, as soon as I did I noticed it was my playlist. Country. He hates county but put it on for me.

"We-e don't n-need to listen to-o this," I said in small sobs.

"Nonsense. My girl gets what she wants, here, take a sip," he said holding out the water.

My hands were shaky and felt weak, I suppose asked noticed because he helped me take a sip.

"Come here," he sighed, pulling me in for cuddles.

"I'm s-sorry I ruined your day. I just didn't know what else to do."

He looks at me with sad eyes, before shaking his head no. "It's okay, you didn't ruin it. You come first, don't forget that."

I nod, but deep down I feel bad. I feel like I'm always keeping him from something.

"Stop thinking, just listen to the music," he says quietly.

So I do, until I finally sleep.

—

authors note:

sorry this is so sad but im in a really bad mood today and highkey this is how I feel.