Consumed By You |Shawn Mendes|

Too Good At Goodbyes

Yvette's POV:

I woke up from my small nap and everything in me felt numb.

My mind felt at whack and I couldn't get everything that happened out of my head even with a nap, I needed to do something.

I felt overwhelmed and hurt by everything that happened and I couldn't figure a way to calm myself down from the current wave of anxiety that was towering over me, this was a new wave for me when it came to Shawn.

I was scared, angry and I felt betrayed.

He really just walked out on me for a conversation that was started by him. I was trying my best to not just pack a bag and just leave entirely.

I felt so lost and I had no one to turn to and the second person I needed was the cause of all of this.

I called Rose to try to talk to her but she didn't answer her phone.

So I just went to my journal to try and seek some solace and that didn't work.

I found myself staring at a blank page that was now filled with wet marks from the tears that fell from my eyes.

"Shit. You did it again Yvette. Good job"

I slammed my journal shut and I pushed it to the side.

I got up and I walked around my living room in a fit.

Fighting to gather my own thoughts and calm my subconscious because she was going a thousand miles a minute with all these scenarios.

Every fiber in my body was just numb and felt like pins and needles to regain feeling or something. But all I felt was like I was suffocating, everything was closing in on me in my mind.

Why couldn't he respect that I didn't want to leave?

Why was he pushing this so much?

I couldn't understand why now it was a thing that was trying to push on to, and that made me begin to question everything about us.

What kind of relationship was this?

Where can we really go?

How long would we last before he went on another world tour or festival run? The road was his home, he felt most alive there and singing his heart out. That's what drew me to him in the beginning as a fan of course, but now I knew I didn't want to be I the middle of that whole thing.

I couldn't.

I would never have a chance.

I knew I couldn't and wouldn't ever make him choose me or his career but for some reason right now he was really trying to make me choose between him or my home. That hurt more then anything because I felt like everything was so one sided, and in reality it was.

If he wanted to me, I would be the one doing the traveling.

I'm the one whos missing out on work and losing money to just be with him and that was all my choice but he never stopped me or thought maybe I shouldn't. Why would he? He was getting everything he wanted without even having to do much of anything.

It wasn't his fault more of it being mines because I was so consumed by everything with him. Even when I was trying to hide it I was still so absorbed by him, and when we were together he had this undeniable hold over me.

But now all I wanted to do was make it all stop.

My racing mind, my subconscious, all these feelings that I hated having and not knowing what to do with them or how to express them in any way.