Living in Sin

12.

Song; The Night We met - Lord Huron

Art:

I've known the man that calls himself the devil my whole life, a man who I called best friend but also the man I secretly love.
When you fall in love for the first time with the devil, you follow him until it burns.
Ironically he was the only one who cared and loved me with all my flaws.
I was arms away from reaching the valley of death.
Yet this memory was still worse than living with someone who you can never have.
The valley of death was place of complete nothing and darkness and my body mange to memorize the moment as if it was yesterday.
Even now I still believe I belonged there not here.
A small brown boney kid from the bronx, whose stomach touched his back. A world where my lifeless body wouldn't impacted anybody and I would be just another Johnny Doe. Just forgotten by the world.
To the world I was just a faggot, a fairy, a crime against nature.
As a broken kid I was only shoved form home to home until I end up calling a box in a dark alley home.
I was always the Poor kid who wore the hands me downs and never accepted to popular kids table.
The worse part was once you turn 18 the state never looked back, to your current foster parents you were no longer an asset but free loader.
Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, oh they did.
This time it was time to accept my faith; with each painful impact I received at my first night alone. I knew the devil was a lot closer than before.
I don't know if it was the pain coming from scum holding me down taking turns to torture me or the fact that pain no longer hurt.
'Please take me now.'
I pled and begged more than I ever have in my life.
Just as my body hit the rotten damped needle infested rat ranch ground.
I felt my skin burned as if I was branded once again.
But a smile creeped up on my face as if I knew hell was still better than this.
As far as I knew I was leaving hell of earth.
There he was.
The devil.
My body was floating in air as my only instinct was to lean against warmth.
Yet I was hypnotized by the bright green orbits he called eyes.
His skin radiated like golden clay sands with sharpen jawline, I knew the devil was Disguise in handsome man suit.
I just knew this day was going come and I accepted my ending.
He cradled my skinny frame against his hardwood chest.
As he held me against his body he furiously walked making sure he held me close not to feel the roughest of rocking back and forth. He was careful but yet he seemed carelessly
The sound of soft purring for closer and closer. Within seconds that was it !
Small glimpse came and gone, one moment his driving the next I heard.

"Get the doctor. Patch him up."

I recall smiling at masculine smooth heavily accent of what reminded of a place  I once called him.
The next day the song of beeping woke me to only down face to face with a man in a black shiny suit.
But yet he wasn't looking at me his attention was all in a black book with gold lettering.
Not distract by my presence and not annoyed to have me close.

"Sei sveglio, you're awake."

I tried to scot up but the pain was too far too deep on my ribs. "Rallenta, slow down."

He said without looking away from the book his eyes seemed hooked on.

"What am I doing here?"

I grunted.

As if my question annoyed him, he forcefully closed his book his bright green eyes seem to have darken as if night was now filled with rain.

"Just saved your life. This is my city and no beats anyone without my permission. So why were they beating you."

He bluntly asked as those deep  green eyes turned into dark shade of blackness.
I wanted to say I don't know but I knew he would know I was lying
"It cause am different. "
I guilty say as if I was on confession stand, asking the father why I was created differently.
He rocked his head side ways confess by my answer.

"Different? How?"

He asked me as if sincerely didn't get it but his tone was soft full of innocent curiosity.
"I'm bisexual."

He shows no expression and I wait to for any responses, "That's it?"

He confusing asked as now it was me who was confuse.
"What do you mean?"
I scaredy asked.

"You don't own drug money?"

I looked down, that was one thing I wasn't was a junkie, "Nah man. I'm not like that. I just got kicked out my foster home and I was walking down the street when some punk ass kid I grew up with." He nods with a agreement but cutting me off as he walked out of the white room.
I was there a whole week and still he never came back, never checked in.
Nurses came in and out but always the same. They didn't talk, only filled my room up with food and medications.
I was isolated again but I felt safe.
I had a place to sleep and eat.
Even though my body ached to stay well it was my mind That said to run away.
The only thing that kept my sane was the books on the end of my bed.  It seemed like I couldn't go through them fast enough. Books with Different philosophers and they all had one thing in common; life was difficult.
But this lit something inside of me it build an inner strength.  As soon I could I walked around the lonely darken halls with it in my hands.  Just enough light to read but not enough to be in a hospital.
By the second week, my savior came into my room, "looking better."

I just nod as he sat at the corner in the room with very little lightning as he began to lean but the shadows overtook him and ate him whole. All that was seen was those green haunted eyes.

We didn't exchange any words; all that was heard was the machine beeping and silently breathing. This was it for weeks.

Until one day he came with expression I couldn't describe.

"Get dress and we'll drop you off."

"Wait, I have no one. Let me join your gang."

He lets out a hearty laugh, "Banda?" (gang)
He laughed echo in the room around us like evil Santa man.

"No, I do not have a gang."
He said as he moved closer and closer toward me.
"I am the devils' hound dog who stands next to the ruler of hell. Is that what you want? for your soul to be taken by the devil? What are you willing to give up?"

He leaned forward as the little light highlighted his sharp jawline and I swear for a moment I saw the horns extending out of his head. My body trembled filled with goosebumps. Since that moment on, I've been by his side I making appearance as him as he remained in the dark.
As the years progressed I trained to be a killer just as him, special weapons, and special skills. Where he went I went. We shared women as I pushed my feelings for him down but I knew him like I knew the back of my hand.   We build a relationship where I know I needed him more than he needed anyone.

Revise 12/30/21