Back to Him

Chapter 8- Believe him or not?

What did I even do to earn this? I loved him more than anything in my life. I seriously loved him. And I knew he loved me too. But this type of pain? How stupid was I to still hope he would soon come back to me and everything would be the same? How stupid I was to love him even after every little injury he gave to my heart.

I could feel tears flowing down my eyes but I needed to be strong. I can't let him show I still love him. I need to make him believe there's nothing between us now. Everything's over. The love, smiles, trust, everything.

As I walked out, I became confused. Where should I go? I have got nowhere else to run to to save myself. It all came down like an avalanche. Wow, just wow.

Is it really real that I am standing right here, where Ryan is not even a feet far from me?

The next thing I knew that I made up my mind. I wanted to talk to him. I. Wanted things to be clear. I just couldn't hurt myself second by second. I wanted the words from his mouth. The truth. That was all I needed.

Still sobbing, I turned to my back to see Ryan leaning against the wall with his hands closed and eyes down. All I could see on his face were just hurt. As if he was miserable. Fighting with his ownself.

Slowly, i walked towards him. I knew the more i look at hm, the more i will fall for him. So i turned my gaze down.

I knew he was looking at me and it made a lot nervous. I think my eyes were sore and red with all the crying but i just couldn't stop my tears.

" I want to make all the things clear between us, Ryan. " I was too shocked to hear my own voice speaking. You should've given me nobel prize for bravery.

I met his gaze. His eyes. The same green eyes. For which no one can stop falling. I think i could have fainted. It was still so hard to digest the fact that it is he standing in front of me.

" Come Rose, I'll lead you to the mansion." He said unexpectedly without meeting my eyes.

I followed hm Dont know why, but followed him.

Maybe you still trust him.

Maybe..

He turned towards his left as i went to his side. The sun was bright and there were only five big mansions in a circle with the house from where we came from in the middle. There were trees on the otherside and I realized they were far away from the city. Nearly woods.

He was silent. But i couldn't be.
"Since when are you here?" I found myself asking.

He turned his head towards me and thought for a second as if debating whether to tell me or not.

"Six months"
So he was enjoying his life here since he left me. Not even thinking about me.

" Since you left me." I stuttered. He tensed.

Before even he could open his mouth to speak anything i spoke " So, how were you enjoying your life here? I mean what are you doing?"

"Joined with the gang." Expected. He said sadly. So i was wrong. But what if he did this because of a big reason?

"Why did you even join this ? " I panicked.

He thought for a moment and spoke, "I cant tell you the reason Rose, I'm sorry."

Fool. How foolish I was to think he would have a real reason to leave me? How stupid.

"Of course, no need to be sorry , Ryan" i felt my anger coming. I gritted my teeth and said- " And no need to be sorry because you can't tell me the reason why you just left me alone without anyone. You broke me Ryan. You broke my heart into pieces. And now here you are telling me you can't tell me the reason you left me.

Let me guess- was it because you were bored with our relationship that you broke up just when we completed a year? Or did you even love me? It was all acting, wasnt it? You never loved me. You never loved me Ryan. How stupid was I to trust you. I was so foolish. I hate you , I cant even express my hatred towards you. You are ju-"

" Wait , Rose you're telling me I never loved you? " He was shouting but what caught my attention was his tears which filled his eyes.

" You think our relationship was nothing to me. Can't you understand how vulnerable and happy at the same time I feel to have you here in front of me? You'll not understand it, never!"

I felt blood boiling.

"Then why the fuck don't you tell me why you left me?" " You loved me."

He hesitated

" I can't tell you "

"You have to."

" You need to understand Rose-"

" Dont you dare tell me what I need to understand. I've had enough!"

I didn't even realize we reached his mansion. Before I could even say anything, he pushed me towards the wall hard. With his hands on my both the sides, he was just inches apart.

"What are you doing Ryan, leave me." I could feel his breath on my skin

" No, you listen to me first. I really can't bear you blaming me that I never loved you. How can I tell you how miserable I felt after leaving you ? As if someone took my whole soul. You don't know how much pain i've had by just realizing that you weren't and you will not be by my side everyday to complete me with your voice, your eyes and.. and... ". He stopped.

But he knew he didnt need to say it. I knew what was he trying to say-

Your lips

" You don't know how much i'm resisting myself not to hold you and kiss you. I still love you Rose and i know you will not believe it. Because if you still love me back, you will know it." He looked straight into my eyes. And then his gaze descended towards my lips. He closed his eyes waiting for a second.

After that i couldn't feel anything but only one thing. His lips. I forgot everything as his lips moved against mine. Roughly, as if satisfying all the hunger we had since months. I couldn't feel anything. Just felt dizzy and happy. I felt his hands move towards my back as his hands tightened around my waist . Before I could control my hands they started caressing his cheek wiping off the tears and playing with his soft hair.

Still same .

Still beautiful.

Still lovely.

What are you doing Rose, you are making the same mistake again.

Before he could deepen the kiss, I pushed hm back with all the force I had. I was still shocked of my actions.

How could I do this?

How could I let him control me again?

How?

I looked at him looking surprised and startled as he moved back . He was shocked of his own actions.

"I...i'm sorry Rose, i did not mean this. I was just...i just couldnt control myself...i'm sorry. "

Befire he could say anything, i said, "take me inside please." I knew if i would be even a second with him, i would just regret it.

But still , his lips were still the same sweet as they were before. It gave me a tickling sensation as i remembered it.

He nodded still looking down and told me to follow.

I heard loud music from inside.

I didnt know but i had that feeling that something painful was going to happen now. As if it would bring my world upside down.

And before i could even think more,he opened the door to reveal a bitter truth.

I felt myself putting my hand on the mouth for not making noise as I was crying so hard. Before i could fall on the ground, I felt two srong arms as he strocked my hair. Such was a scene in front of me. The ones about whom I forgot completely since I saw Ryan.

I saw Joe, evan and Ella in front of me

Betrayal..that was all I felt at that moment