Leave A Scar (Fullmetal Alchemist)

A Harsh Lesson; A Painful Truth

"Sorry," I squeaked, eyes squeezing shut, taking a moment to hide in the darkness before I forced them open again. Seeing his worried golden eyes become just a little bit more concerned as I looked over to him again. I swallowed down the fresh wave of self-hate, freeing my throat enough to speak.

"You can keep talking. Sorry."

I was surprised when he offered his hand out to me. A small, soft smile was on that face.

"Here," was all he said.

I looked to his hand again, feeling a slight flutter in my stomach when I realized he was holding out his flesh hand. Waiting for me to place my own on top of it.

I did, and my body gravitated towards his like he possessed an orbit. My hips coming to meet his, knees to the bed, sitting and straddling his lap. My other hand came to his chest, and all at once-as if it were the most natural thing in the world-he leaned back and lowered us onto the bed beneath. I kept my hand against him, watching him watch me with that same smile. He brought our hands a little higher, forcing my focus to them. Feeling how his fingers slipped through the spaces of mine, holding my palm and squeezing.

First step. Let's see if we can do it, alright?

I swallowed, not sure what to do or say. So I kept silent, watching his free hand raise towards my face. And then stop somewhere off to the left. My hair, two of his fingers moving along a certain strand, like they were measuring the length.

"I... I just got tired of making her wait like that," he said finally. "After Al and I decided to keep searching... I broke things off. I didn't want to... Not really... But I decided she needed someone who would actually be there for her."

I listened, feeling the air in my chest turn to absolute stone. He didn't even want to break things off? Was he still in love with her?

His hand came into a fist, bunching up the fabric of his pants. I watched him swallow, his throat moving with the seemingly hard motion.

"I... Left things pretty bad. I really couldn't..." His eyes shut, then his head turned further down, away from me. "Bring myself to feel hurt. At the time, I felt totally justified in what I was doing. She yelled and cried until her voice was practically gone, but eventually..." His words trailed off, and I knew the memory playing in his head. The way he had left before; leaving her there crying against that open doorway.

"And then I didn't come back for a while," he continued on, voice a little bit smoother. "Around a year, actually. I did what I could to maintain my arm and leg myself, extra careful not to destroy anything." Saying this seemed to jam the next words in his throat, and he took a moment, collecting himself again. "When we finally came back for a pretty heavy repair-Al's body got broken up pretty bad and half of my arm was gone-I found out she was getting married."

He looked to me finally, a transparent grin on his face. "Guess she took my advice and moved on."

I broke away from his gaze, and then part of me moved. Crawling back, Ed's hold slipping away. I needed space, and I turned away as Ed sat up completely. My brain reached back, thinking, as I continued to hold myself from a distance. My brain reflecting on his words.

"I asked you and Al about her in the very beginning." I began.

It was his turn to look away, and his reply came softly.

"Old habits die hard, I guess. Just the normal jokes we would've done... Before..."

I didn't know what to say, but I felt a long-forgotten feeling rise in my chest. There was something he was leaving out. Something he was skipping over.

As if he had read my mind, Ed raised a hand to his hair.

"There's... A few things I'm skipping over." He glanced to me briefly. "You said you wanted to know the whole thing, so..."

My mind went to the worst possible situation: did they have a kid together?! He seemed to read this thought in my horrified expression, instantly putting his hands up.

"N-No! Nothing like that, trust me! We didn't even... We never..." A sheepish grin spread his face. "The whole thing lasted for less than a few months, mostly long distance. You were pretty much my first everything, don't worry."

"Pretty much?" I muttered, a little embarrassed at my jumping to such an extreme conclusion.

"Um, yeah. But just for the record-" Another grin came him, extremely wide and friendly as a light blush came to his face, "You're a much better kisser than she is. Worlds away, trust me."

I blushed, the side of my hand against my mouth as I glanced away. My body found his again, legs spread over his lap. My hips moved, faintly grinding against him. I gave a small smile as his eyes closed, a light groan coming in response as he finished laying his head back. He muttered something that seemed like a rejection to me, hand absentmindedly moving into my hair, pushing a section and tucking it over my ear.

A memory flashed. The second time he had tried to draw me... He kept moving that same piece.

His fingers trailed down, measuring the length again as his eyes looked into mine. They looked like they wanted to say something, an emotion that I was feeling myself. A wonderfully, wonderfully complete feeling.

His lips curved, matching the small smile that had made its way onto my face. I forced myself from doing anything more, saying anything that would sidetrack us from the conversation we had been having before.

The memory of that argument replayed in my head; how awful Ed's face had looked before he stormed out.

"You're not my mother, Winry. So quit acting like it."

I held back a shiver, and a moment later felt Ed brush his thumb against the back of my hand, bringing me to reality again.

"There's..." He sighed; a heavy breath through his nose. His eyes were closed again, head back a bit. "There's a lot of shit we fought about. Sometimes the stupidest stuff, too." That thumb kept stroking my skin, rhythmic and gentle. A way to let me know I was still his. "I... I know she really cares about Al and I... And I know how she felt about me. Obviously."

How she feels about you. I added silently, holding the words away from my tongue.

"But... I dunno. Maybe I did feel something for her; I did when we were young anyway. But eventually I just got bogged down by the weight and the stress of everything."

I nodded a bit, not pressing him for more information. I didn't want him to open up more than he wanted to...

"Maybe we were like magnets. Similarities just kept repelling each other."

He smiled, smirked a little.

"She always kept the light on, just like Mom used to."

I didn't know what to say; where to go from there. My hand moved, fingers curling against his flesh shoulder, bunching up the strap of his tank top.

I didn't know where to take the conversation. I didn't press for more information, instead simply offering him my presence. I sat in silence, eyes closed, offering what little I could.

And my eyes opened when lips contacted mine. One hand on my neck, coaxing my body down to meet his. The kiss stayed gentle. Always so gentle.

I relaxed, knowing I was his. Whatever had happened in the past... It was simply history, like pathways on a map. Re-traced, but never revisited.

I kissed him again, knowing I'd be his pillar, for as long as he'd let me.