Within Pages, Part I

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"The vultures will surround you... I cry out 'love, keep your arms around me...'"

- Monday Morning, Death Cab for Cutie

______

It was... Strange, taking showers normally. When I had been alone, I would always make the water "too" hot. Enough to burn my skin. Make me watch the first degree burns heal over time. Sometimes, the scars along my upper arms and shoulders and the space along my back and neck would get sensitive to the content, warm water. They'd grow numb but still tingle, and it'd be a strange sensation. One that almost made me want to be separate from my own skin.

Ed had told me that his scars sometimes acted up. I wonder how he dealt with that. What it felt like for him; if it was different for everyone. Like eye color or voices.

These were the thoughts I was preoccupied with when I emerged from the bedroom Ed and I were sharing, my hair a little poofy from the attempt I just made at drying it. Light conversation that didn't break as I crossed the main room, heading for the kitchen counter, my mind set on making tea.

Flashes of another life, another source of pain came, and I swallowed, trying to remind myself that we had kept our teas on the counter, back against the wall. And this was different, because there were no teas on the counter and back against the wall. Nothing was there. So the teas were somewhere else, in a shelf high above the counter or in a drawer. Somewhere not there. It was a different time. Different place.

I nearly broke, somehow keeping my tears from spilling. They hung at the edges of my eyelids, blurring the bottom half of my vision. Just waiting for me to blink and send first drops over.
I brought up the kettle, filled it with water, and kept my hand around the handle as the metal heated. Reaching out to me, burning the skin. But I couldn't go for long. Not long enough to leave a mark. Not long enough to make something noticeable. Something Ed would preoccupy himself with.

I just had to keep hidden, for as long as possible.

_____

We were walking to the station, about to catch a train to Ebolas when it happened. His left leg suddenly buckling, staggering as if it had grown too short.

Had it?

He looked down, then with a quick glance around, lifted the hem of his pants until they reached above his boots. He leaned more weight onto his leg, and like always it clicked in response.

"Huh..."

The hem of his pants dropped, and he continued on, walking on the balls of his foot. As if...

"Ed..." I began, stopping. "Is... Your leg too short?"

He turned a little, enough for a golden eye to look my way. "It's just a height increase. Nothin' to get concerned about."

But....

"Brother..."

"We'll miss the train if we keep standin' around!" And he was right, with Al and I stopped like this, but... Another height increase?

I got on the tips of my toes, head tilting upwards as I tried to examine, even from a distance. Yeah, even with the hook of his hair for reference, he was even taller now, if only by an inch or two.

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