Impatient Like a Flower

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"When I fall asleep I feel you with me, until I fall asleep and you are with me."

- ....And Counting - Lights

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It was rare that I experienced a nightmare. My dreams were confined to train stations and standing on railways. Pleasant dreams, if anything.

The nightmare I had then... the ghost of it haunts me now.

I stood in our home, the afternoon light making things a bit brighter. A bit lighter. I breathed in, feeling his arms around me. I looked up, cheek brushing against his chest, and saw him smile down at me. Perfectly content; perfectly peaceful.

I wanted it to stay that way.

I reached up, cupping the side of his face, thumb brushing alongside his cheek, the bone above. Beautiful; the work of Adonis.

He smiled a little more, head tilting to the side. And then his eyes opened. A deep brown; a color I couldn't bare to look at.

I stared anyway, knowing I deserved each second. Those eyes, his eyes taking me to a place I never wanted to go.

Everything changed. I was slammed down into a chair, chains wrapping around my wrists and binding me to the desk. A paper dotted with tear drops; a work with blurred lines.

Laughter rang out; male laughter, the sound of zippers being undone riding beneath the amusement. And then the sound of skin slapping against skin. I felt my mouth open, my vagina, my asshole widen— every orifice stretching until it was torn.

I woke up with my body jolting upright. My gasp rang out against the silence, and I quickly shut my mouth. Eyes closing, head bowing. Tendrils of black hair slipping from my shoulder, brushing against my face. A face I hadn't seen in a long time.

I felt Ed stir next to me, giving a barely audible grown in his sleep. I couldn't help but smile, just hearing that sound.

I looked over, seeing he had turned to face me. And one eye was open, waiting diligently as if I had just asked him something important.

He spoke, words murmuring against the silence between us.

"Nightmare?"

I nodded.

"You?" I returned.

He nodded. His arm outstretched, welcoming me, and I slipped into his embrace, nestling my head against his chest.

His thumb stroked the upper part of my shoulder, moving along the arch again and again as he spoke, voice quiet, his words hushed.

"You know you can come to me," he began, "if you need anything."

I nodded against his chest. Of course I could.

It'd just never happen.

We stayed like that, for a few moments. And then his thumb stopped.

He spoke my name, metal clicking as he raised his hand to his face. But the words were interrupted.

"I FOUND SOMETHING!"

Alphonse's voice broke the silence, jarring both of us out of our meditative state. We sat up, Ed throwing the covers off of us, and both of us stopping at the doorway with a jerk forward.

"What? What'dja find, Al?"

Alphonse stared down at the book, both hands supporting him as he leaned against the table. His head shifted to us, the click slicing into my heart. Was this the last time I would hear it?

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