Falling In A Forest (DISCONTINUED)

Chapter 33

Michael's POV
The sun is starting to set, the sky is orange on the horizon with different shades of yellow and red combined equally. Storm meows quietly, pawing at Connor's legs, demanding his attention. 

"Pull over."
"Why?"
"Trust me," He says, index finger plunging to an abandon parking lot. 

"Fuck, alright." I groan under my breath, pulling into the empty spot. "Connor, why the hell are we hanging out in a parking lot in the middle of nowhere? Are you crazy?"
"Yes, but that's not the point." He opens up the trunk and digs through one of my bags, before pulling out a bottle filled with a copper coloured liquid. Whiskey. Of course. It's been his favourite since he was 15. 

"I can't believe you actually have a bottle of this shit!"
"If I can't have weed, it has to be alcohol." I say, simply. "Stole it back at the gas station.."
He clutches the bottle in his hand, starting to climb onto the roof of my car.
"Sit?" He asks gently, patting the empty space right next to him.
"We're going to sit on top of my car and get shit-faced? No fucking way. You're not pleasant to be around when you're drunk." 

"Neither are you," He looks at me with a sly smile. "Look at the sky." I look up, my eyes flickering over the colours in the sky. When I stopped looking, my eyes made my way over to Connor, who was watching the night with the same intensity. 

The sun started to set, the world was becoming more shades of dark purpled and blues. The stars became prominent in the sky.
Connor popped open the bottle of Whiskey, handing it over to me. Very willing, I grab the bottle and take a shot. Letting the warm liquid burn the back of my throat. I pass the bottle back to him and he does the same.
"This is what I wanted you to see."

"It's beautiful." I say, not wanting to look away. The stars shined brightly, like diamonds, rhinestones or even glitter.
"I like stars," He says. "You don't know which ones are still alive, most of them already died."
"Way to kill the moment." I tease.
"Shut the fuck up," He taunts back, "I used to get drunk than climb on the roof, just to watch the stars. I guess it was sort of my escape from reality. I used drugs and alcohol to numb myself, it allowed me to forget about everything for a few hours."
"I do the same thing, kind of. Expect, I use slushes. It's addicting." He nods. We both sit in silence, waiting for the other to say something. I decided to speak.
"I still hate my parents." He admits. "My dad is like in total denial I'm fucked up. He thinks I want attention."
"My dad sleeps with random women because he still hasn't gotten over my mom yet."
My mom. That's a word you have to be careful using in my house, and any words that makes you think of my mom.
Like, elephants. She was obsessed with elephants. One of the last things she gave me was a red stuffed elephant. I still keep it on my bed, to this day. She died when I was twelve. I'm the one who found her. Laying there with her face blue, completely limp. The rest of that night was blurry. I remember screaming for my dad and called 911. They told us she was gone only a few hours later.
"Do you like your dad?" He asks, taking another sip from the bottle.
"Never given it much thought," I shrugged. "I liked my mom. When she was alive, we lived halfway to normal. She choose to take that bottle of pills and leave me forever." I clench my fist, holding back tears.
I genuinely wanted to be with again. I wanted him to have a life with me, a good one. We can bake brownies and almost burn down my kitchen at two am or go bowling. Get stoned and play video games in my basement, like we used to do.
But, I know we can't be together. Fuck, I still have Jeremy waiting back at home for me. And, I'm whoring around with my ex. He fucking reels me in, makes me feel things. I can't deny the fact we still have a connection. There's something there and it keeps growing. He's a virus. Infecting me, corrupting the system. I'd fight the world for him.
I miss waking up next to him in the morning. I miss late nights and secret sleepovers. He broke my heart and he's just reopening healed wounds. I fucked around and hit too attached to Connor.

He looked up at me, wordlessly, his expression almost impossible to read, he ended up shooting me  a small half-smile. Connor readjusted hos hand so his palm was now pressed into mine.

We still sat in utter silence, staring at the moon as it shined bright throughout our surroundings.

"Michael."

"Yes?"

"I love you."  Connor said quietly, finally deciding to meet my gaze.

"Yes," I said again, staring deeply into his eyes that acted as the magic mirror into his soul, reading them carefully. "I believe you.."

I was at lost for words. Yes, I loved him very much. But for some reasons my brain wouldn't allow the words to come out of my mouth. I want to tell him how much he means to me, but everytime I have the chance, I find myself unable to express my feelings to him. What is wrong with me?