Falling In A Forest (DISCONTINUED)

Chapter 7

Trigger warning. Suicide
Connor's POV
Screaming. All I heard was screaming, it felt so far away yet so near.
My parents screamed at each other, I don't even know what the fuck they were even fighting about this time.
Mom and Dad can't stand each other, they fight all the time and it never stops, Its been going on for years now, so I think I've just gotten used to it.
I stood up from the table abruptly and walked right out the front door without a care in the world. As I walked out, I heard the muffled calling of my name, but I didn't give a shit at this point.
I was stressed and angry. My breathing quickened, my anxiety levels rose up, and the next thing I knew I was running.
I was overwhelmed and I couldn't think straight. I didn't know where I was going, I just wanted to get the fuck out of here.
My heart pounded in my ears, thudding rapidly in my chest. I had to get away.
I didn't want to go home, I don't think I couldn't even call it home anymore. Hell sounds like a better way to describe it. I wanted to just curl up on the sidewalk and scream out my feelings, but I didn't. Instead I started running faster and faster, I focusing on the sound of my feet hitting the pavement beneath me. My bit my lip so hard I tasted blood, trying to keep all these feelings bottled up inside my head.
Do I keep on running?
It seemed like there was no other choice, all I ever do is run.
Goosebumps started to rise up against my hot clammy skin, My lungs burned and felt like they were ready to collapse at any moment.
I stopped for a second panting heavily trying to catch my breath, In through my noses out through my mouth.
I looked around at my surroundings.
First of all I had no idea where the fuck I was, I walked around for a bit before realizing I was in the orchard. The leaves toppled down as the wind picked up growing stronger.
My breathing grew quicker and quicker which eventually cause me to hyperventilate.
The demons in my head hissed and taunted at me, as the tears threatened to pour out of my eyes. They wouldn't let up, they just kept dragging me through the dark.
I couldn't fucking take it anymore!
Freak. Emo. Faggot. Asshole. Loser. Worthless. Stoner. Fuck up. Pathetic.
They fight me starting to grow vigorous and angry, the voices echoed and repeated in my skull, like an endless record.
My stomach churned with every step I took, I felt like I was about to puke up my entire insides. I paced around the orchard for what felt like hours jumping at the slightest of sounds.
I sprinted towards the tallest oak tree I could find, and I punched it as hard as I could, letting all my feelings out. When I finally stopped, my knuckles were scrapped and bruised, blood quickly poured out of them. I watched as the red sticky substance, dropped onto the grass below.
Trees always reminded me of Evan, I took him here the first time me hung out, two months ago. Two months just felt like two months, before I met Evan, I didn't talk to people and the only time I left was for school, which I usually didn't even end up staying at. Evan made me feel like I had a reason to be alive.
I didn't feel that way anymore, I felt useless, worthless, hopeless. I didn't see any reason why I should continue to live.
I scrambled through my pockets, before taking out a torn piece of line paper and a pen.
"Dear Evan Hansen,
Turns out this isn't going to be an amazing week or year after all, because why would it be?
I know because there's you, all my hope is pinned on you, who I barley know and who barley knows me.
I'll die knowing you'll never know the real me, or even have a chance to.
Maybe if I could just open up and talk to you, things would be different.
Or maybe nothing would change at all
I know you love me and I love you too.
You proved that over and over again, even though I don't deserve it.
All those moments we shared were real, and they'll always be ours.
I wish I was part of something. I wish anything I said mattered to someone.
I mean face it, would anyone even notice if I disappeared tomorrow?
Sincerely, Me"
'You don't deserve to live"
Tear streamed from my eyes, hitting the paper smearing the ink, I folded up note and neatly placed it in my pocket. I snatched the bottle of pills, and attempted to take the cap off. But to no avail, I couldn't get the fucking cap off.
"Stupid child proof caps!!!!"
'You're pathetic.'
I finally managed the pop the cap off. I titled my head and downed all the pills.
My vision started to blur, I heard a ringing in my ears, than suddenly everything went black.