Trigger Warning
Rich's POV (W h a t? A n e w p o v?)
*One week earlier*
"Rich? That Evan Hansen kid went missing last night. He's in your school right?"
"Yeah, but I don't know anything about him. His boyfriend beat the shit out of me once-th."
"He's a fag?"
I still haven't come out to my dad yet, he's homophobic as fuck. Ever since my mom divorced him he's started drinking a lot and he blames me for all of his fucking problems. Our relationship has changed drastically obviously, for the worse. One time, he had been out all day,
than came home from work really drunk, I told him I thought he had enough. Than he freaked out saying he can do whatever he wants and I should mind my own business. He used to beat the living shit out of me every time I'd come home from school. He stopped. Well sort of. He only does it when he's really pissed and needs to take his anger out on someone. School is kind of like an escape from the craziness that I call my life. At school I have a completely different persona. I'm cool and popular. People actually like to talk to me, hang out with me, sit with me. I'm sick of lying to people saying I got into a fist fight on the street, I wish I could tell everyone the truth but I can't.
"Yeah, he's a fucking fag."
The word that came out of my mouth were lies. I didn't believe any of the shit I was saying, I just didn't want to get my ass beat again.
"They assigned me to his case last night, they think he either got kidnapped or ran away."
*Present Time*
Evan Hansen had been missing for one week and the whole school suddenly cared about him. Before, nobody gave two shits about him. AlEveryone had their own theories on what was going on. Some people were saying him and Connor were in a abusive relationship and he ran away to escape it.
Other people are saying he killed himself, who ever you talk to someone has their own theory. From what I know the police are saying he's run away. Why? Well apparently the day Evan ran away, he broke up with Connor because he cheated with Micheal Mell. Okay what the fuck? Micheal should be mine because I'm totally bi now! Anyways none of this information has been public yet of course. That's just the perks of having your dad be head of the investigation.
"Connor's a fucking dick, he probably had something to do with Evan's disappearance." I overheard Chloe, Jenna, and Brooke gossiping about the situation, like everyone else at this shit school.
"Connor," The principal hissed. "You're supposed to be in class." I peaked out from behind a bush, I had been hiding behind. God I'm a fucking stalker.
"Connor, you're not allowed to smoke at school." The principal crossed her arms across her chest meeting Connor's gaze.
"Well, I am." He responded, he rolled his eyes before blowing a puff of smoke into her face.
"Okay, well than I'm gonna call the police and have them pick you up."
"Whatever dumb cunt." He flipped her off, storming off coming towards my direction. He proceeded to walk in the opposite direction, speeding up as he made his way downtown.
Connor's POV
Stupid fucking bitch. I should've socked that bitch up the fucking head. I was literally about to fight anyone and everyone who crossed my path. I was on edge, paranoid, stressed out, not a good combination.
Evan was still no where to be seen. This is all MY fault. I'm so fucking stupid. I fumbled with keys pulling the out of my back pocket, I jammed them in the key hole and unlocked the door, before storming up to my room.
I scrambled through my dresser drawer and pulled out my blades, I sunk into my flesh dragging it across my pale skin.
I've done it so many times it doesn't even really hurt anymore.
One cut. For cheating on Evan. Two more cuts for existing. Four more for just being me.
I watched the substance ooze out of my arm and drip onto the bathroom floor. Staining the porcelain white with blood stains.
Knock knock knock knock. Shit. I leaned up against the door holding it shut, hoping whoever was out there would just go away.
"Open the door dip-shit!" Zoe commanded, starting to pound on the door more aggressively.
The door flung open, pushing me out of the way causing me to fall on my face. I flicked the blade under the sink praying it would go unnoticed, as I pulled my sleeves down to hide my arms.
"..Why is there blood on the floor?"
Shit. What the fuck do I say? She knows that I self harm, just not that I continued to do so.
"I'm having my period." I blurted out, without thinking about my answer. It didn't occur to me how fucking dumb I sounded until I actually said it. We had looks for each other. She was giving me the "You're a fucking idiot" look.
"Show me your arms." Zoe demanded.
"No."
"Connor!" She grabbed my arm roughly and pulled down my sleeves. I pulled my arm away, resisting the urge to hit her. Again. I gripped at my sleeves tightly, letting the fabric cling to the blood on my skin.
"I thought you stopped?"
"Well, obviously I lied, because I didn't."
She wrapped her arm around and pulled me close, gently rubbing my arm. We haven't willing hugged each other run years. Everything felt okay. I've put her through torment and abuse for years. I want to be closer to her but we're a million worlds apart and I don't know how I would even start.
"I'm sorry."
"I believe you."
And that's how we spent the next four hours, painting each other's nails while I let Zoe put a million little braids in my hair.
"I think I have a crush on Evan Hansen."
That made my blood boil, my face grow pale, it pissed me off but why should it? She doesn't know we're dating, well technically he broke up with me so she's allowed to like him.
"You two are friends right?" She asked, innocently.
"Yeah.. He has been crushing on you for years now."
"You guys would talk about me?"
"Um, only sometimes if he brought it up..." I lied, I've already hurt her enough. "He thought you were awesome."
Maybe lying to her will make her happy.
"He thought I was awesome? How?"
"He said, "There's nothing her smile, sort of subtle and perfect and real.."
She looked away nodding shyly, slowly tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
"He knew whenever you get bored, you scribble stars on the cuffs of your jeans." Zoe looked down, observing the different colours of stars on her jeans." I've noticed Zoe down to the smallest details, it seems like I don't care but I do. I just want to protect her, I don't want her to fear me anymore. I don't want her to remember me as a monster.
"But he kept it all inside of his head, what he saw he left unsaid."
I'm trying to tell Zoe how I feel, but she wouldn't understand. I couldn't get through to her. Everything I said to Zoe are my own feelings that I've been keeping inside for years. Even though I am saying them to Zoe, I'm still hiding behind Evan. She thinks he's saying all this stuff about her.
Zoe's POV
I never tell Connor this but I love him more than anything, I want us to be happy like when we were just stupid kids.
Everything is grey and gloomy about him. His hair, his dreams, it's almost like he's devoid of colour. I enjoyed hearing Connor talk to me, it reminded me his was a genuine person. Not just an asshole who threatens to kill me for no reason.
Ring ring ring
"Put it on speaker." I requested.
"Hello Connor, it's Detective Goranski. I'm about to text you an address, come quickly."
"Did you find Evan?" He asked, his eyes lighting up.
"Just come quickly."
"We have to go now."
I actually thought we were going to die. Connor was literally going 150 while the speed limit was 80 and I'm pretty sure he ran more than a few red lights. We ended up at a ravine, which was very rocky and narrow.
"If he did jump it's unlike he would've survived that fall. Even if he did, he would've had to survive two days without food or water." One of the detectives told Connor, while he proceeded to write stuff down on his note pad.
"Well, why don't you do your fucking job and send someone down there?!"
"I assure you we are going to as soon as possible."
We searched around the area and Connor picked up a small object from off the ground.
It was a small black ring, that had several words imprinted into the back.
"You're my only reason."
Connor's POV
Two hours later, they had sent several people down into the ravine to try and find Evan. I nervously played with the ring on my finger, what if he's not there? What if he's dead?
Four men on harnesses came struggling up the edge of the rocky slopes, holding a large bag. I rush over to them immediately. I see a beautiful face one I haven't seen in weeks. Pale face, freckles, no expression. I kissed him all over his face muttering apologizes the whole time. They had no update on his status and wasn't even sure if he was alive.
He's alive. He has to be. He's a fighter.
God, I just want everything to be alright. I want to see his bright blue eyes, the ones I fell in love with. I just want to hold him in my arms, tell him how fucking sorry I am and that everything will be alright.
I fucking love you Evan Hansen. I'm the darkness, you're my light.
YOU ARE READING
Falling In A Forest (DISCONTINUED)
Fanfiction"I was the darkness and Evan was my light."
