Falling In A Forest (DISCONTINUED)

Chapter 11

Trigger Warning: mentions to self harm
Evan's POV
When I woke up, I was still snuggled against Connor's chest. The sun started to rise the sun burns bright, allowing the the room to illuminate a pretty orange colour. We stayed completely silent as we feel the warmth of the sun shine on our face.
I could tell Connor had a million things he wanted to say, but he decided to keep quiet.
He took my hand and placed it on his chest, he squeezed it tightly while occasionally giving my knuckle gentle rubs with his thumb.
"Did I ever tell you," Connor says out of nowhere, breaking the silence between us. "that I don't like vanilla?"
"You don't like vanilla?" I questioned, giving a small smile looking up at Connor. After a few seconds, he responds with a dirty reply.
"I like a different kind of vanilla." Connor says with a smirk. My facial expression turned to a frightened but also a scarred look as I realized what Connor meant.
"Connor no!"
"Connor yes." He raised wiggled his eyebrows, causing me to roll my eyes, gaining another smirk from him.
"Hey Ev, Why did the chicken hide in the closet?"
"Why?"
"Because he's gay." Connor snorts, laughing at his own jokes.
"Oh my god. That was terrible." I giggled, I stared into his eyes, falling in love with them more and more.
"I got another one.. Why did the duck cross the road?"
"I dunno... Why...?" I let out a little sigh.
"Because he didn't want to be chicken."
"Oh my GOD, you suck!!" I rolled over and planted a kiss on his nose, his eyes squinted and his nose wrinkled up when I did so. Cute.
"And you swallow..." He fires back.
"Connor, Don't be disgusting!"
"I'm just trying to tell the truth." He chirps.
"You're such a weirdo!"
"I'm your weirdo." I rolled over and planted a kiss on his nose, his eyes squinted and his nose wrinkled up when I did so. He's so cute. Connor's sleeve rode up a little bit and I noticed fresh cuts on his left forearm. I went to grab his arm but he immediately pulled away, offering me his right arm instead. "You told me you stopped..." I comment blandly. He doesn't answer, he stays silent. "Can I see your arm?" Very reluctantly and slowly, He sighs and pulls up his sleeve, allowing me to see his arm clearly. I traced the line of one of the many scars, this one however was minuscule. Thankfully it wasn't too prominent, blending into his pale skin almost perfectly. A thick layer of blood coated his arms, the blood was crushed over and brown, informing me it had been there for a while. I touched one of the deeper cuts, he let out a small wince in pain. I spewed out a million apologizes feeling bad I cause him physical pain. The bloody gush almost reached his vein. The rest of the varied in size, smile bigger than others while others were small and unnoticeable. Others were jagged and curved, some were straight as a line. I helped him up and lead him to my bathroom. He didn't object or try to fight, he just allowed me to do so. Upon entering, I quickly noticed there was dried blood everywhere. It was stained on the floor and in the sink. Ignoring it, I sat Connor down on the bath tub and proceeded to clean out his wounds.
I've watched my mom do this a million times. It can't possibly be that hard.
I took a damp face cloth, being very careful not to hurt him, I started to wipe away the old blood off his arm. I held his arm over the faucet, I cleaned out the wounds with a mild soap, before rinsing off his arm under the cool water.
I scrambled through the first aid kit until I found what I was looking for. Not wanting the wounds to get infected, I grabbed a cotton ball dipping it in a jar of Vaseline. I applied the substance to his cuts, than I proceeded to wrap his arm with gauze. I let out a little sigh. Feeling satisfied, I admired my work.
"Your mom would be proud." Connor jokes, leaving a trail of kisses along my hand.
"I love you." I burry my head into his chest and cling onto him.
Connor went quiet for a long time before responding.
"I love you too.."
Grabbing my laptop off my desk, I opened the screen and started writing my daily letter to myself.
Dear Evan Hansen,
What the hell is wrong with you?
Sincerely, Me
Print.
Yes or No?
^
Document has been printed. 7:45 AM.
Placing my laptop in my bag, I decide to finish getting ready for school.
I was kind of excited to go to school today, this was the first time me and Connor would walk the halls as a couple. On the other hand, what if people judged us? What if they bullied us? Connor assured me everything would be fine but I'm still worried. The one good thing about hanging out with Connor is everyone's afraid of him. He will not hesitate to attack someone. He protects me. I'm safe around him.
I look down at my palms, checking for any sigh of dampness. Deciding to play it safe, I rub my hands against my pants in an attempt to dry them off.
"Hey," Connor smiles looking down at me. "We'll be alright for forever.."
We walk down the corridor holding hands, I feel really self conscious. Like everyone notices they were holding hands. Like everyone's judging us, laughing whispering about us behind my back. I know they probably aren't. I mean, nobody cares about people like us. Connor Murphy: the kid that threw a printer at Mrs G in the second grade. Or Evan Hansen: the kid who stood outside a jazz band concert trying to talk to Zoe Murphy, but his hands were too sweaty.
We're just the losers who keep waiting to be seen. No one seems to care or stops to notice that we're there. Sometimes, I just feel like I don't matter. I feel like nobody is there, I could just disappear. I could fall and nobody would hear.
If they don't care about us, why should I care about them? I don't know why I do, but I care.
Just like Connor said "Everything would be fine" Nothing happened that day. Nobody bothered us. It was almost like we didn't exist. I guess not existing is better than receiving unwanted attention. Hopefully it will stay that way.

Word Count: 1115