Falling In A Forest (DISCONTINUED)

Chapter 24

Connor's POV
My life wasn't amazing. Everyone hates me with a passion. People mess with me in the cafeteria on a daily.
I never get a break from all the torment and abuse.  How am I supposed to get through the rest of the year like that?
I'm just trying to survive high school and mind my own fucking business. But no, I'm  not even allowed to do that.

I hated going to school with a passion, the only thing that makes it somewhat enjoyable is having Evan there. Just like every morning, I fought with parents about having to go to school.
I ended up going to school because some fights aren't worth the effort. I had to suffer through a painfully awkward car ride with Zoe. One perk of being me. Your little sister has to drive you around everywhere. All because my parents don't trust me to drive anymore. I'd drive off in the middle of night and not come back for days, get high and probably a bunch of other illegal stuff. I crashed into that tree because I felt like it. There was no deer in the road that night I was trying to avoid, even though that's what I tell everyone. Obviously, I didn't think rationally all the time.

My worst decisions were always made in a split second, not even bothering to think about them. I'd usually always end up getting injured or wounded in some way.  That's the main reason why I'm not allowed to drive anymore.
I approach the front of my house, jamming my key into the lock. I push the door open with my foot and look around.
Nobody was home.

I wandered upstairs to Zoe's room. Her door is wide open, but she is absent from her room. Where is everyone?
Not thinking much of it, I shrug it off and examine her room. I've always thought she was the neat freak. She's always been the one telling me how disgusting I am and urging me to clean my room.
There are clothes and shoes scattered everywhere. Bed was unmade.Pictures from a polaroid camera thrown on the ground. A small pile of dirty dishes stacked on her desk. And, she tries to tell me I'm the gross one?

Her enteric guitar is unplugged, carelessly thrown on the carpeted floor. I honestly can't remember the last time I was in her bedroom. Every time I remember being in here is associated and linked with bad memories.
There would be so much fear in her eyes. How afraid she was of me. I wish we could just be a normal, happy family.
I feel kind of bad about invading her privacy, but obviously not bad enough to apologize. Or not to do it.

There was a purple notebook laying beside her guitar. The front of the book was covered in doodles of stars and flowers.
Feeling curious, I pick up the notebook and flip through it. Scanning the pages for any mention of my name.
She mentioned me a lot. Of course, none of the stuff she wrote about me was actually positive.
I flip the pages to the most recent entry. The writing was scribbled out on the sheet of lined paper. She had the neatest handwriting I've ever seen. Small loopy letters, evenly distributed across the page.

I could curl up and hide in my room
There in my bed still sobbing tomorrow
I could give in to all of the gloom
But tell me, tell me what for?
Why should I have a heavy heart?
Why should I start to break in pieces?
Why should I go and fall apart for you?

All these words were her trying to describe her feelings in the only way she knew how. Music.
She's loved to dance. Ever since we kids. She can do it flawlessly. She's happy with herself. She's able to dance like the rest of the world isn't there watching or judging her.

Why should I play the grieving girl and lie?
Saying that I miss you and that my
World has gone dark without your light

I've found myself wondering lately, I did succeed in killing myself that night, would Zoe even notice I'm gone?
Its like she intended for me to see this. She wanted me to read it, maybe she thought I would understand her better?