Trigger Warning: sexual assault, self harm and mentioned suicide attempt.
"Connor, e-everything's going t-to be f-f-fine." I stuttered, trying to reassure him.
"No Evan, everything is NOT going to be fine. I'll fucking kill them." Connor says bluntly, he crunches a tight fist and I know he actually means it.
"N-no... you can't.."
"Look at all the creepy shit he wrote!"
"Y-you have t-to-p-p-promise you w-won't do anything..."
He looks at me before nodding in agreement.
"I promise."
"Pinky promise?" I held out my pinky in front of him, waiting for him to accept it.
"Evan, we're seventeen. We have to stop making pinky promi-.."
"Pinky promise." I repeated, a little louder this time.
"Pinky promise." He smiled at me and allowed our pinky fingers to intertwine with each other.
I couldn't help but kiss him.
He looked so broken, so damaged, so stunning. His face was glowing red with anger, yet his eyes were soft and gentle.
My arms are wrapped around his neck while I'm sitting on his lap. His hands running through my hair messing it up.
He deepens the kiss, biting down on my bottom lip. He pulls me closer to him, his lips synchronized with mine.
I draw back from our kiss. He gives me a smile, a genuine smile exposing his teeth.
Ding
His phone was placed upside down on the edge of his bed, he picked it up and unlocks it. I glance over his shoulder to see what he was looking at and the unknown number had decided to text him again.
Unknown: I'd like to kidnap Zoe.
Unknown: photograph her naked in an abandoned warehouse and leave her tied up for the rats
Unknown: She gained three pounds and that drives me wild.
Unknown: God look at her a figure. Her tits are fucking massive
Connor: leave me alone you fucking prick!
Connor: or if you're going to say this shit to me say it in person
Connor: instead of hiding behind your phone screen like a pussy!
"This is asshole seriously got a new number, just so he could harass me?!"
Unknown: Let me fuck her at least a couple times a day,
"Who even fucking says that?!" Connor was growing even more agitated and this person just wouldn't leave him alone.
Unknown: her little extra weight made me prematurely cum a few times a day
"I'm serious this time! I'm going to fucking kill them!"
"A pinky p-p-promise is s-s-serious. You d-don't break a p-p-Pinky promise, t-that's just m-mean!"
I slowly and cautiously approached him, I grabbed his shoulders firmly in an attempt to calm him down.
I didn't expect him to react the way he did. Before I even had time to say or do anything, he pushed me away from him. Not hard enough to hurt me, but just enough to cause me to fall backwards. He rushed out of the room fairly quickly, not bothering to look back at me. I just laid there on the floor, overwhelmed in emotions. Physical pain, confusion, fear. What did I do wrong?
Connor's POV
I know Evan wasn't intentionally trying to hurt me, he was just trying to ground me and calm me down.
When he put his hands on me, it brought back memories I've been trying so hard to forget over the past four years.
I remember that night so fucking vividly, it's almost surreal to me, like it never actually happened.
All the choices I made that night, I regret so fucking much. I will never forgive myself for what happened.
I haven't told Evan what went down that night and I'm not planning to anytime soon, he has enough shit going on right now. I don't need my problems to weigh him down.
It was September 14 2014, about two am on a Friday night. I had just finished getting drunk with a few friends in an alley way.
As I exit the alley way, I see a dark figure start to approach me. They finally get close enough to me so I can recognize their face. Dustin Kropp. He was the main weed dealer at my school, I used to buy off him until now obviously.
"Connor Murphy," He voice was low and gravely. "Do you need weed? I can give it to you for free."
Free weed? Sign me the fuck up! That was probably the worst decision I have made in my entire life.
"Duh. Of course I want free drugs." I say, shoving my hands into my pockets, slowly approaching him.
"Well, there's only one catch.."
"Which is?"
"You let me fuck you and you can have all the drugs you want." He offered, a small smile creeped onto his face.
"Um.. no thanks."
"Do you wanna get really deep?" He asks, very seductively.
"I-I have the go.." Just as I turn to leave, he grabs my arm roughly, forcing me into the alley way. He dug his finger nails into my shoulders, pushing me up against the wall, forcing my lips onto his. I tried my absolute hardest to push him off me but it was impossible. I screamed as loud as I could, his hand immediately clasped over my mouth, preventing me from screaming.
My eyes welled up with tears and spilled uncontrollably from my eyes, like a faucet. No matter how hard I screamed or cried, he wouldn't stop.
Did he get some satisfaction out of this? Did his sick little brain crave to see me cry?
Dustin was too strong for me. I knew I wouldn't be able to win this fight, not alone anyway.
I didn't want to anger him by trying to fight back and ending up getting hurt even worse. For all I know he could have a weapon and up killing me if I don't cooperate with his needs.
Touching me, feeling me in places that shouldn't be touched. His fingers were tangled up in my hair, fingers crawling up my thighs and back like spiders.
"Stop!" I screamed out, but he just kept going. Placing wet kisses along my collar bone and nibbling roughly behind my left ear. Dustin wrapped his arms around me, embracing me tightly before forcing me onto the ground. His hands traveled down my body until he reached my legs, aggressively pulling at jeans, bringing them half way down my thighs. I squirmed around in discomfort, putting up a struggle. I wasn't going to make this easy.
Long story short, he ended up getting my pants and his own off and let himself inside of me. It was some of the worst pain I've ever felt in my life, I was also still a virgin.
My body was suffering through immense pain, it was so intense I ended up blacking out. In a way I'm kind of thankful I ended up blacking out because I don't remember most of the shit that happened.
When I woke up, Dustin was already gone. I was just laying here alone and naked in a dark alley way.
I took that as my opportunity to get the hell out of there. My knees were weak and felt like jelly, but I ran as fast I could and I didn't stop until I got home. I fumbled with my keys, finally managing to unlock the door.
I jolted upstairs, ignoring my moms pleads behind me, I collapsed on the ground and screamed. I was so fucking scared.
My entire body ached and burned for days after the incident, long scratches and scrapes were very prominent along my back and arms.
That night, I stood in the shower for hours, scrubbing and clawing at my skin as hard as I could. I picked up a bar of soap and shoved into in my mouth, trying to clean out of my mouth from the horrible tastes. The soap bubbled and foamed up in mouth. I stuck my head under the shower head and allowed my mouth to fill up with water, watching the soapy residue drip down the drain.
My skin was raw and red, it hurt to the touch. I took about ten showers and I still didn't feel clean. I don't even recognize myself. Why did this happen to me? What did I do that was so fucked up to deserve this? I just want to die. It was my body, I could touch it, and nobody else had that privilege unless I give them permission.
I should've tried harder to escape. I should've gone to the police. Instead I curled up and hid in my room, still sobbing till the next morning.
I can't believe I was physically turned on by that. My mind said no but my body said yes. I felt so alone and helpless. I didn't leave that fight a winner. I left that fight with nothing but bruises and memories.
Certain smells, sights, tastes, sounds, bring back unwanted memories from that night. They always send me into a panic attack or full on mental breakdowns.
I also have my trigger spots. Those spots are my shoulders, behind my left ear, and my thighs. For the last few years, if anyone tries to touch me there unintentional or not, I usually end up getting physical with them.
At this point in my life, I was so fucked up physically and mentally, I didn't care if I lived or died.
Two weeks after Dustin raped me, I tried to kill myself for the first time. I remember filling up the bathtub to the point where it overflowed and leaked outside of the bathroom. A crimson red was splattered all over the off white walls and floor, the same shade of red stained the water in the bathtub. I had stolen a bottle of pills from the medicine cabinet and was planning on chugging them, but I cut deep enough that I passed out before I got the chance too.
The rest of the night was a blur. I do remember waking up once, I heard someone talking to me but I have no idea who they were or what they were saying. I had to stay in the hospital for about two months before they even released me
Honestly, I can say I've never even quite the same person since that day. My opinions changed on everyone and everything. For a while, I wouldn't let myself fall in love or even get intimate with anyone. Evan was the first person I have dated or even let myself get intimate since that day. I didn't even mean to fall in love with him, it was a pure accident. I'm extremely grateful to have him in my life though. He's changed me for the better.
I think that night was the main reason I have so many trust issues. I never thought that something like this would ever happen to me, not in a million years. I thought this type of shit just happened on tv and in movies. But no, of course not.
This isn't a Disney movie, a fairytale, some stupid teen show my sister would've known about, or even a fan-fiction.
This is real life and my life is just a mess.
YOU ARE READING
Falling In A Forest (DISCONTINUED)
Fanfiction"I was the darkness and Evan was my light."
