The Exchange Student / English Version

63. My aching heart

Zayn

A bleary-eyed glance out of the window. The morning is awakening and the house is still quiet. Everyone rest from the last night's event. I couldn't sleep and packed my bags instead. One last time I go into the kitchen to make myself a tea and a toast. Unfortunately I won't see Maria again. I'm sad that I can't say goodbye to her in person. She was the home good soul. I'm gonna miss her.

I move as quietly as possible so that no one is woken up. When the family, like every morning, has breakfast together in the dining room, I won't be here anymore. My flight goes the day after tomorrow and until then I live in a small hotel in London and wait for my departure to Islamabad. I hardly spent any money, so I can easily afford it. But before I go to Pakistan I've got a lot to do. One last time I want to see London and catch up on all the things I missed so far and I also have to get presents for my family. So I've planned my day and there is no time for bad thoughts.

I scalded my tongue with the hot tea. Wistfully I go to the garden and sit down on the bench in front of the huge hydrangea bushes. What will think Harry if he finds my room empty? It could have been so nice with him. My heart is so heavy. We could have had the time of our lives. In the end there is only a quiet, lonely farewell to the person I love and whom I cannot have because he no longer wants me.

A mild breeze blows around my nose, the scent of the flowers flows through the garden and I know that my farewell has come. I hurry back to the house, take my belongings and take a last look into Harry's room. There the curly head lies wrapped in its blanket and snorts quietly. I don't dare to kiss him one last time. Maybe that would wake him up. "Goodbye, Hazza," I whisper and tears run down my cheeks. "Don't forget me. I love you."

A cab takes me far away from here. It waits for me in a side street. One last time I turn around to the mansion and say goodbye in silence. Then I'll get in the car.

Harry

A glance at the clock tells me that it's already after ten o'clock. I've been catching up on all the sleep I've been missing in the last few days. The hot shower is making me awake. Well dressed I go downstairs where I can already hear voices from the dining room. A little afraid, I enter the room. My parents sit at the table and look up as I come in.

"Good morning, Harry. Did you sleep well?" my mother asks me and pats my cheek. Robin stands up and takes me in his arm. "Harry, my son...". Then he lacks the words. I cry softly into his broad shoulder and am glad that the engagement has come to an end. Anne looks at me pitifully.

"Eat something, boy. It'll do you good, and then we'll talk in peace about last night." I nod and take some scrambled eggs and toast. Gemma enters the room. "Good morning," she says a little overslept. "Harry, how are you?". "Leave him alone, Gem. We'll talk about it later," my father hums. Gratefully I look at him. Maria serves fresh coffee and tea. "Where is Zayn?" she wants to know. We look at each other. We had completely forgotten Zayn. "He will probably still be asleep. I'll look after him," my sister says and leaves the table. I'm not comfortable thinking he's gonna show up right here. Yesterday I just left him at Niall's and left without a word. Today, however, I will talk to him and listen to his side of the story. I just needed the time to realize what I wanted - and I want the Pakistani beauty.

We hear an outcry from upstairs. Immediately there is a lot of excitement. The whole family's rushing upstairs. Breathless we stand in front of Zayn's room and an emptiness awaits us. All his personal stuff are gone. My sister is all broken up and holding a piece of paper in her hand. I desperately tear open all the cupboards to convince myself that I'm wrong. The shelves are also empty. "NOOOO", I cry and the pain of loss seizes my heart.

"He's gone," Gemma whispers. Silence fills the room. Depressed I sit on his bed and inhale the residual scent of him. That is the only thing I have left of him. I've pushed it too far. He didn't get a chance to explain himself. My sister puts the letter in my hand. "It's for you, Hazza," she says. "Let him be alone for a moment," Anne says, and they leave me behind. The door closes quietly.

With my eyes full of tears, I unfold the white paper. Tears drip on the writing and blur some letters.

Dear Harry,

by the time you read these lines, I've already left town. Please believe me, I did n't make this decision easy for myself. My heart feels heavy. The burden is crushing me. The last few weeks have been stressful for all of us and have brought us to the limit of our strength. I would never have thought that we would get to that point. I realized that I had lost everything I loved. I 'd always hoped that everything would turn for the best and that we would have a good time together. I 'd found in you what I always longed for - a person whom I love with all my heart. The thought that you don't want me anymore and one day you will love someone else makes me sad and I push it far away.

Thank you for the time with you. Thank you for the moments when you lay close to me and made me the happiest person. I will never forget you, Harry - love of my life. Don't forget me.

I embrace and kiss you.

Your Zayn XXX