Autumn Leaves & Pumpkins Please

thirty-one | love you montgomerwhore

            "I'm so sorry," I sobbed softly, where after I broke down onto my knees and embraced the cold floor underneath me.

Her crying lessened and I heard her picking up the phone from probably the ground.

            "Xav?" Her voice was softer than usual and felt more intimate to hear. Every time she said my name, I felt so close to her as if I was almost standing beside her, but unable to touch her.

            "Yes," I replied as I bit my lip to prevent another breakdown.

            "All this pain you're in... It will all be gone," she assured me though I could still hear her crying, "and although it hurts me to lose you which is completely natural, I know that this partly was your choice and I respect all of that. I'd rather see you in peace instead of pain and exhaustion. How much time do you have left?"

            "A month. It could be longer, doctors could give me postponement, but I don't want that. It'll only make me feel worse."

            "A month," she repeated slowly, "do you want to see me before a month has passed?"

            "God no, me dying is a nightmare itself, let alone seeing you before my death."

She laughed a bit through her tears. Voice hazy and vulnerable, it was so unlike her.

            "You shouldn't be joking about that now," she said.

            "I don't like being dramatic about it. Everyone dies, I'm not special." I manned up, continued packing my clothing and closed my suitcase.

            "You're special to me."

I sighed and wasn't able to suppress a tiny smile on my face.

            "Autumn?"

            "Xavier."

I paused for a bit and laid my head onto my suitcase, tracing down the structure of it with my fingertips. A moment surely was needed for what I was going to say.

            "I love you."

She paused. Probably couldn't believe that I actually said that and honestly, neither could I.

            "I love you too."

            "You're crying again aren't you?"

            "Shut it, Montgomery."

december 13th

A U T U M N

I looked at the final result in the mirror of the salon and gasped at my own reflection. Valentina and Lily-Rose had forced me to take a day off and took me to the mall where we bought real nice dresses, got a massage, skin treatment and last but not least; a brand new coupe.

My plain brown curls were replaced by straight, shorter hair with a lighter shade on the ends. I turned my head a couple of times to see what it looked like from the sides and was shocked by how it turned out; better than I had ever excepted.

            "Woah, those papers will be freaking out when they see you look even better," Valentina said, "Girl, you're on fire."

            "I look so much older," I said, "I look like a woman who has her life all sorted out, but this hairstyle's only an illusion – when you get to know me I'm a total mess."

Valentina, Rosie and the hairstylist all laughed.

            "You look gorgeous, but you always have been gorgeous anyway," Rosie hugged me from behind whilst I was still sitting in my chair and gave little peck on my cheek. I smiled and looked at myself one last time. Maybe people were going to take me serious with this haircut, maybe I'll get a job looking like a femme fatale. Everything about this hairstyle was bold – it made me feel sexier.