thirty-three | become an alpaca

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december 14th
dallas, america

I LOOKED AT MY REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR, concluding whether I really looked pregnant or not. I lifted up my dress and rubbed my tummy, realizing I really had gained weight. My dog, Bubbles, looked at me from my bed and yawned.

            "Do you think I'm fat?" I asked.

            "Fat? Obese."

I turned around and saw Xavier standing in the door opening, grinning like some kind of psychopath. When he saw my offended face, he walked up to me to stand behind me and wrapped his arms around my tummy. He rested his head onto my shoulder and stared at our reflection.

            "Even if you were fat or obese, you'd still be pretty."

            "Really? I thought you were that kind of man who only cared about the appearance of a woman."

            "Then why would I be dating you?" Before I could reply to that, he spun me around and then pushed me away a bit. "I want to teach you something."

He walked away without looking back at me, acting sure that I would follow him. And so I did. He confidently sat behind the piano in my living room, gently touching randomly chosen keys. I was enchanted by the way he played the notes, giving my apartment a magical and peaceful sphere, and leaned against the wall as I watched him.

            "Me teaching you includes you participating," he said.

            "Right." I went to sit beside him and he moved closer to me.

            "I'll play the first two stanzas, then I'll teach you the notes. Ready? If you listen closely, it's easier to play afterwards."

I nodded and tried to focus on the keys, but the second his fingers touched the piano and his eyes closed, I couldn't do anything but look at him. His full, perfectly shaped lips parted as he played the intro of the song that so far was unrecognizable and he squeezed his closed eyelids a bit. The instrumental seemed to flood through his body, making everything calmer like a storm that was tamed.

            "I'm jealous of the rain, that falls upon your skin. It's closer than my hands have been, I'm jealous of the rain."

I frowned my brows when I felt all the emotion in his voice. He sung it like it were his own words, as if he had written them down himself. He was an artist.

            "'Cause I wished you, the best of, all this world could give. And I told you, when you left me, there's nothing to forgive. But I always thought you'd come back, tell me, all you found was heartbreak and misery. It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way, you're happy without me..."

He slowly ended the second stanza and breathed out deeply. His eyes opened once again and found mine, scanning them to find out what I thought about his little performance. Although it wasn't the first time I had heard him sing, it still made me very emotional. All the songs he had sung would be stuck in my head when he was gone and I'd only remember the ways he sung it. 

All of a sudden, he crashed his lips against mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he tried to lift me up to sit on his lap, but I had to do most of the lifting myself. I giggled when I felt Xavier grinning against my lips.

            "We're not going to play the piano, are we?"

            "Hmm," he groaned lowly, "I'll teach you how to play with my-"

            "Don't say it."


            "Your dirty talk makes me cringe."

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