twenty-three | handjob in the pool

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december 5th

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december 5th

X A V I E R

A FREEZING GUST OF WIND EMBRACED MY SICK BODY the very first step I took outside. I absolutely despised Christmas time, because everyone was so happy for no valid reason. Christmas was something fools made up to 'forget about the negative things in this dying world and befriend everyone' yet I wasn't able to see the jolliness in a lie such as that. Two children with their parents passed me and all looked at me in pure horror as if I was some kind of monstrous creature. Godzilla got nothing on it.

            "What?" I hissed at the family as I took off my hat, "Yes, take a look at this. I'm bald, fucking horrifying isn't it? I hope you die in a car accident, merry fucking Christmas."

They almost started running away. My bodyguard looked at me and frowned his brows.

            "Don't you dare say anything otherwise you're fired."

            "Xavier, it's your birthday. Perhaps you should cool down a bit and spread positivity instead of wishing people a torturous death."

            "Sorry, positivity is not in my vocabulary." I stepped into the car and looked out of the window. When the driver turned on the radio, Michael Bublé's horrendous voice blasted through the speaker singing It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas. "God damnit Klaus, do you want my ears to start bleeding or what? Can't lose more functioning blood cells, for fucks sake."

            "I'm sorry, sir," my driver switched to another radio station where 2002 was playing. I got very quiet all of the sudden and my driver curiously peeked at me via the mirror. I looked back at him with a sassy expression, so he just quietly chuckled and focused on the road.

Of course this had to happen. Of course that fucking song had to play on the radio, because obviously the whole universe had turned against me. Understandable though, I really wasn't someone who would help make the world a better place – Autumn on the other hand was. She always carried this electric version of positivity with her everywhere she went and although she could be such a pain in the ass, you'd never grow tired of her.

And there I went downhill once again, thinking about her. The bloody woman always found a way to dug her way into my mind and kept swimming around, but I acted as if she wasn't there. Even when I dreamt about her I forced my memories to erase it all.

            "Can you turn it off, please?" I asked.

My driver nodded an turned off the radio.

A U T U M N

            "You're fired Autumn!"

            "What?"

My jaw dropped onto the work floor of the restaurant and was determined to not reattach itself anymore. I looked at my boss in confusion and he sighed.

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