thirty-five | you caught me, dingus

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december 25th
dallas, america

THE NEXT MORNING I WOKE UP feeling happier than ever. The night before was just one of the most amazing nights I had ever experienced; so many happy friends and lovers and even Fadoua and Valentina finally got to kiss.

With a huge smile decorating my rough, sleepy face, I opened my eyes and yawned. Then it was time for a little body stretch in bed without accidentally waking Xavier who peacefully laid beside me. When every bone in my body had cracked — cute sound, really —, I pushed myself up to look at my boyfriend. My smile widened even more and a warm feeling waved through my body, passing all my organs and leaving a heat that made the enzymes within my cells work perfectly. I didn't need coffee when I woke up next to Xavier, a big pro. The only con was that he took most space of my bed, but I had witnessed that before, exactly, when we slept together for the very first time. It all felt so far back in the past, but it happened only three months and six days ago. He changed my whole life in three months and six days, unbelievable.

            "I can feel your stare, you creep," he croaked, still keeping his eyelids shut. His morning voice sounded like heaven, and how often does that happen?

I energetically jumped out of bed with a feeling that I could hold this whole entire world – something that rarely happened before, especially after a harsh night of consuming expensive wine.

            "You slept for..." I looked at my watch and frowned at the result, "Fourteen hours and I didn't hear you waking up?"

I looked at him through the mirror as I fixated my hair. I barely had to touch it up, because straight hair didn't need that much styling. Unfortunately, I had to wash it in three days or less, otherwise it'd get all greasy and stuff. Xavier didn't bother to open his eyes and instead buried his head into the pillow. He groaned into it and it suppressed the loud noise he made.

            "What's up?" I asked.

            "I feel restless," he said when he finally opened his eyes and looked at me. "Powerless, weak. I didn't wake up, I slept for fourteen hours straight, that's an unhealthy amount."

            "No, it isn't, people witness this all the time, even when they're not ill. It's a habit for some." I jumped into my sportswear which was a sports legging, sweater and coat combined with comfortable running shoes. After zipping up my coat, I removed the excess of make-up on my face.

            "And what's your excuse when I say that I feel no strength to even walk anymore?" he asked.

I turned around to personally face him.

            "You don't think you can walk anymore?"

He shrugged.

            "It's my fault," I sighed, "I shouldn't have-"

            "It's not your fault," he quickly interrupted me, "none of this is you fault. If I die now, it's not your fault either. The only thing you can blame is the leukemia that made its way into my brain, alright?"

I looked down at the floor and swallowed a lump through my throat.

            "Alright," I quietly said, "just stay where you are and I'll make you some breakfast."

When I was preparing pancakes and waffles, I quickly ran down the building to collect my mail and then ran up the stairs. I had to admit, that itself was a whole workout already. I sat down at the kitchen island to open the Christmas cards from my mother and Tom, friends, aunts and uncles from my mother's side, my grandfather and grandmother from my dad's side and last but not least; a card from Blanche.

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