I want to be yours (✔)

42. Yarah&Asmara

Yarah's pov:

Two years have passed but nothing changed. The pain in my heart or the relationship between me and Yazan. He still blames me for not telling him truth about Yahya. I understand his pain, he didn't even get chance to spend time with Yahya. I never knew we had so less time with him. I don't know what to do with whom can I share my pain, my thoughts and ask for advice.

Aarzoo di was my everything, my mentor and my friend. Whenever I had any issue or trouble or doubts I always went to her and she was always there to help me. I love her so much. She had solution for all my problems. I can't believe I lost both Aarzoo di and baby at once. That Ahaan is rotting in hell for his crimes but can it bring my di and son back. Can I become less guilty of separating Yazan and Yahya? I was so angry with him but can that justify what I did?

Yazan is really nice person. I don't care wheather he cheated me or not but it's too late. He is not my Yazan. He build a wall around himself which I am not able to penetrate. He acts so mature..His behaviour with me I can't decipher. He takes care of me yet he is cold towards me. We talk but only when it's necessary. We share bed but only to sleep. Even when he shows affection like kissing my cheeks or forehead, giving hug he is so emotionless.

I came out of my thoughts when Yazan said,"Yarah..."

I was getting ready sitting infront of dressing room. He was sitting on bed doing some project.

I looked at him.

He said,"Jiya mom is calling you."

I think Asmara is here. I was almost ready. I quickly got ready and took my bag. I was about to leave when Yazan said,"You forgot to take the coat. It's winter and you catch cold easily. "

I came back and took my coat. I looked who again got busy with the project.

I said,"Thanks..see you in the evening."

He just nodded his head. I don't know when everything will be normal between us.

I came to living room and I was right Asmara was sitting on sofa waiting for me. She smiled looking at me which doesn't reach her eyes. I gave her the notes for which she came here otherwise she never likes to visit anyone.

She said,"Thanks..I knew I can count on you."

I smiled and said,"Always."

She brought her car so we were going to college in it today.

She said,"How the preparation going on for exam?"

I said,"Well..okay okay.."

She said,"How is Aliza? It's been long since I met her."

I said,"She is good and she is working very hard in both studies and her looks."

She said,"Why?"

I said,"I think she has secret crush pn someone whom she is trying to impress. I asked her many times but she didn't tell me. I feel like she is just like you in this matter. You also had crush on Shahyan but you never told anyone. I knew that you like someone but I thought it was Ahaan as you were so cold towards Aarzoo di. I can never in dream thought it was Shah-"

I was balbarring but stopped when I saw a tear slip her eyes. She quickly wiped it. Yazan is right I have no control over my mouth. I should not have mentioned Shahyan.

She said,"What are you planning after studies?"

I said,"Me and Yazan are planning to join dad's company for internship. What are your plans? You can join us. We three will have lots of fun."

She said,"I already have plans. Papa talked with Zaeem uncle. He wants me to go and do internship in London with Shahyan."

She doesn't look happy saying this. Aren't she excited to be with Shahyan. I have not seen him in over two years. He never came back.

I said,"Aren't you happy?"

She said,"I don't want to be a burden on him."

I said,"Why do you think so?"

She sighed and said,"I just know. He has not called me once in this two years. I know he is in touch with his family but he never bother check upon me like he doesn't care about me. I have accepted the fact that may be we are married on papers but I have no place in his heart. I don't want to go there and to live that pain again..the pain of unwanted wife..the pain of being nothing but burden on him. I love him and I want his happiness but I am not the one who makes him happy. In this two years I have accepted that he doesn't love me. "

I said,"Why didn't you refuse to go to London?"

She said,"I did but Papa told me to go. He told me that it can't go on like this. He wants me to go and see if we can have a future together or not. If we can't then we should end this marraige and move on. I think that would be good for both of us to come to a decision. Let's see what happens of our marraige."

I said,"What if Shahyan wants to end the marriage. Will you let him be?"

She said,"I will. I learned my lesson. You can't force someone to be with you. I thought by marrying him he will be forever mine but that's not how it works. You can't force someone to love you. By keeping him in this unwanted marraige. I am curbing hik from his happiness."

Her words confused me..they kept replaying in my mind. Am I curbbing Yazan's happiness? He married me because of Yahya but Yahya is no more. Does Yazan compromising his happiness for me? Is he not happy with me? I know he cares for me but does he actually love me?

When we were dating he can't keep his hands to himself..He was so different from now. He used to show his love for me in everything. He had a spark in his eyes when he looked at me. We used have so much fun. He was full of energy, fun loving, jovial. Now he changed a lot. I don't see that spark in his eyes nor I see the love for me in his actions. May be he is not happy with me. I need to clear this with him. If he is not happy then Am I ready to let him go?

Hope you are enjoying :)