I'm Sorry // 5sos sister

44. Drunk Michael and Almost Gone

I knew Michael was going to react this way.  I mean, I would be the same if he did that behind my back.  I decided that I would take my chances and go back to the dressing room.  They did say we would wait for the 1D guys.  I slowly opened the door and looked inside, everyone was talking and then went silent when I walked into the room.  I grabbed my bag and the posters that I was keeping.  I left the room looking for one of the crew members that could take me back home.  It turned out that Lou's hotel wasn't far from our house so she offered to drop me off.  

I told her that Michael was mad at me, excluding the parts about me cutting and the hospital.  I just told her that I had done something wrong and I needed to talk to him and explain.  "You want to give him his space for right now.  He just needs to think this through before you talk to him.  Or else it could end badly.  Trust me sweetie."  Lou said to me as we hopped into her car and drove off toward the house.  I already had it planned out how I was going to get around Michael when I got to the house, if he was even there.  

Lou let me out once when we got to the house and I walked up to the front waving to her as she pulled away. I slowly went inside listening for if Michael was anywhere and I didn't hear anything so I guessed that he had gone somewhere else.  I looked outside at the pool and he wasn't there either.  I called his name a few times and got no response, he officially wasn't here.  I was worried about him but he could take care of himself.  He had been here a lot more than I had and knew his way around.  

I trudged up to my room and started to hang up the many posters that I had collected.  As I hung them up I danced around my room to my music.  It only took me about half an hour to hang everything in my room and it looked pretty amazing.  I took a picture and tweeted it making sure to tag most of the girls that had given me the posters because they had their twitter names on the back of it.  They all started to freak out and get excited on Twitter.  The boys had followed them too which made them fangirl even more.  I watched as my timeline filled with a bunch of capitals letter and a lot of crying and happy emojis.  

I texted Sam and Brenna and told them I was home because Lou had dropped me off.  They said that they were probably going to be leaving the Staples center soon because the 1D guys only had two songs left in their set.  I told them that I would see them when they got back and said goodbye.  I laid down on my bed and looked around at the many posters.  Some of the posters even talked about me.  "Ashton you're lucky Jess is your sister"  was my favorite one.  

I was playing around on my phone when I heard the front door open and numerous voices fill up the silence that was present a few seconds before.  I snuck out of my room, careful not to make a sound and saw that Luke, Calum, and Ashton were holding Michael up by his arms.  He seemed completely wasted along with bloodshot eyes.  I slowly walked down the steps to where they had sat Michael down in the living room.  I looked down at him and saw him get a scowl on his face as he saw me.  

"Can someone get this bitch away from me.  Fucking slut."  He said under his breathe.  Ashton looked at Michael and punched him in the jaw.  Michael started swearing at Ashton as Luke and Calum had to hold him back.  "I'm just telling the fucking truth!  She fucking cut and then went to Luke to take her to the hospital and not me!"  Everyone including Brenna and Sam looked at me in shock of what he just said.  I could feel the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes as Ashton and Calum reached out for me.  I pulled away from them and sprinted up the stairs before I had a full blown panic attack.  

I got to my room and locked the door behind me.  I started to hyperventilate and get dizzy.  This was typical to happen during a panic attack for me.  I knew I had to calm myself down before I passed out and would have to go to the hospital again.  I went to the small bathroom that was connected to my room and sat down on the toilet while I tried to control my breathing.  I just wanted to end everything.  It would be the best thing for everyone.  

I searched through the cabinets and found exactly what I was looking for.  I twisted the cap of the bottle off and poured some pills into my hand.  I looked into the mirror and counted out how many flaws I had.  I heard Ashton, Calum, and Luke banging on my door and trying to get inside.  They were calling my name but the only voice I could hear was the one inside my head telling me to take the pills.  So I did.

And everything just went b l a c k.......

**** THIS STORY IS NOT OVER YET SO YEAH I WILL BE UPDATING AGAIN DONT WORRY ****