I'm Sorry // 5sos sister

11. They Can't Know and A Date

** The first part of this is her writing in her journal and this might be triggering so....**

I really hope Ash and the other guys don't find this. Ever since I was 12, I had suffered from depression. I self harm and I'm not exactly proud of it. I was one of the only girls my age in the orphanage and I never thought I was going to be loved. A few of the other girls in the orphanage knew about it but they never told anyone else. I don't want to tell the guys because I know they will treat me differently.

I've had the urge to cut recently. I had been clean for the past 2 months but I was having trouble not going and getting my blade that I hid from the guys. I just really hope they don't find out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey Luke I have to head home now. My mom is probably worried about me." Brenna said as she stood up and grabbed her bag from the floor. I was the first to jump up and hug her and say goodbye. Then Luke, Ash, Mikey, and Calum. She told us that she would love to come over again some time and we gladly agreed. I gave her my number and told her to text me so I had her number.

"Alright guys, goodnight." I said as I stretched and then started up the stairs. I heard the boys call goodnight as they decided to watch TV for a while longer. I swear these boys never sleep. I walked in my room and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and one of Ash's shirts that I stole to sleep in. I grabbed my phone and jumped into my bed. I replied to a few texts from the girls at the orphanage and tweeted goodnight to my followers.

"Hey Jess." I lifted my head and I saw Michael in my doorway. He put his finger to his lips to tell me to stay quiet. He came into the room with Luke and Ashton following close behind. They all ducked down and hid by the side of my bed. I leaned over and looked at the three crazy boys sitting on the floor next to my bed.

"What the fuck are you guys doing in my room!?" I whispered as I looked at them as they huddled as close together as they could.

"First, we can't say. Second, that's where my shirt went!" Ashton said as he eyed my shirt, or should I say his shirt. I flipped him off as I went back to scrolling through my twitter feed.

I heard a quiet knock on my door and saw Calum standing in my doorway looking at the ground. A smile grew on my face, "Hey Cal, what's up?" I heard some small giggles come from the side of my bed and smacked who I think is Luke.

"So um, I was just wondering if you would, um, you know, maybe go on a date with me sometime?" Calum said as he came and stood at the foot of my bed and looked up at me every now and then.

"Well, you know I kind of actually have a thing for Mikey...." I said as I tried to conceal my smile and not laugh.

Calum stared at me and started to get teary eyed so I jumped up and wrapped my arms around him and he quickly hugged me back. "I was just kidding of course I will go on a date with you Calum!!!" That's when I heard the boys jump up from beside my bed and start cheering while wrapping Calum in a hug and then doing the same with me.

"Dude I was getting worried you would never ask her out! You're lucky though because I would have if you didn't." Michael said as he pushed Calum lightly on the shoulder. Both mine and Calum's cheeks turned the same color red as he hugged me again.

"Ok you doofs, unlike you I actually like sleeping so can you please leave?" I laughed as the boys started piling out. As Calum was leaving I called him back over to my bed. "I do want to cuddle though." I said as I patted the spot next to me.

Calum's face lighted up and the biggest smile I had ever seen was plastered on his face. Calum loved to cuddle and I know it's his weakness. He put his arms out and I snuggled into his side and we slowly both fell asleep in each other's arms.

** what should their ship name be? 1. Jalum or 2. Cassie Comment and tell me :) **