fake [s.m] (REWRITE)

chapter eighteen

"sneak to my bunk tonight?" shawn asks her, as she responds with a quiet nod. "will you be at the barrier?"

"i'll be out there in a bit, let me freshen up a little," she mutters, making shawn nod, and lean forward, pressing his lips softly onto her forehead. "good luck."

"thanks hun," he whispers, scanning over her face quickly, before getting up and rushing out of the room, andrew standing at the now open doorway.

"gerty, i can't do this," anya mumbles, placing her head in her hands, and letting out a long sigh. "i can't do this."

"i'm trying my hardest, anya, but they won't budge their decision. they don't think you guys are real. they think this will help shawn, i can't turn their minds," andrew tells her softly, sitting down next to her. "maybe you guys can make it work in private. if you're careful."

"it simply won't work. shawn gets noticed everywhere, he gets filmed everywhere, and now i'm starting to get noticed. i've thought it through, andrew. it won't work," anya mutters, looking up. "i'm just gonna have to end things before they can progress, and drop off the face of the earth."

"anya..." andrew trails off with a sigh. "you don't have to end this. it's okay. we can just tell them you guys are over."

"how's that possible? they're gonna come to shows, and see me here," she sighs. "i'll think of something, but i'm gonna go to barrier."

"alright," andrew nods. "i'm so sorry, anya."

"it's not your fault," she mumbles, standing up, grabbing one of shawns hoodies, and heading out of the dressing room, turning around the maze of corridors until she reaches the steps leading to the stage. she climbs them quickly, coming out at the barrier next to the stage, hearing the arena cheer loudly, singing along to every word shawns singing.

"miss steinburg!" the security guard says, in slight shock. "good, you're here. shawn wanted you to have a seat tonight, and i'm here to take you to it."

"a seat? what's he got planned?" she asks with a laugh, trying to cheer up a little bit more. "thank you," she grins, letting the security guard help her over the barrier, and straight to her seat, which was front row and centre stage.

"look guys! anya's here!" shawn grins, after finishing the second song of the night, making eye contact with anya. "she's feeling a little blue right now, so can we all show her some love?" the crowd responds with a loud cheer, making anya blush wildly, and a huge smile adorn her face. "thanks guys, she's smiling so wide now," the fans all 'aww' making anya and shawn both laugh, looking straight at each other.

he never failed to make her happy.
-
"it's beautiful, isn't it?" shawn asks anya, slightly scaring her as he approaches the girl who's looking out over the hill they were parked on, the stars casting the night blanket into a pure picture.

"yeah," she breathes out, as shawn hooks his arms around her, leaning down close to the side of her head. "you did great tonight."

"thanks babe," he grins, letting himself give her a small kiss on the side of her head. "did you like the show?"

"i loved it," she nods, leaning back into shawns grasp slightly.

"anya?" he whispers, twirling her around so they're facing each other. "can i ask you something?"

"yeah," she nods again, trying to avoid eye contact with him.

"i know it's been one hell of a ride over the last few months, but they've really opened my eyes into a bigger perspective," he begins, making anya finally look up at him properly. "you make me smile, even when things are getting difficult and tiring. you make me laugh so hard, to the point where i feel as though my stomach will burst. you make me happy, anya, you really do," anya can't help the guilt from swimming around her composure. she was days away from breaking his heart, and she didn't know how to do it. "i know that technically, we are in an unsaid relationship, but i never got the chance to properly ask you," anya feels the heat ride up her cheeks, followed by the complete anxiety that surrounds her.

"shawn-"

"anya rose, will you be my girlfriend?" he asks her softly, squeezing her waist gently. anya bites down on her lower lip, trailing her eyes down to the floor.

"shawn," she mumbles, quickly looking back up at him again. "i-i don't know if i'm ready," she lies. of course she was ready. but she had a time limit with him. their relationship was about to end completely.

"w-what?" shawn stutters, the colour draining out of his face almost immediately. "b-but i thought-"

"well you thought wrong," she mumbles, not meaning for it to sound as bitter as it comes out as. "i can't, shawn. i can't."

"you've been so off with me for the past few days, ever since that date in portland, anya what's going on?" he asks her quickly, more confused than ever. "you're acting weird, anya seriously, what's going on?"

"i found someone else," she quickly lies again, the words coming out of her mouth faster than she anticipated. the lump began to form in her throat, and she felt the tears burn at her eyes. "that's why," she looks at shawn, who has a complete emotionless look on his face.

"i knew you would never focus on me," he mutters bitterly, letting go of her waist, and taking a step back. "you're actually unbelievable. you lead me on all the god damn time, just to break my heart in the end," he accuses, making anya's heart completely snap into two. "i can't even look at you right now!" he yells, making anya flinch. "whatever we had, it's over. don't ever talk to me again." he mumbles, shaking his head with a quick scoff, before walking back into the bus, slamming the door behind him.

anya lets the tears finally roll down her cheeks, her anxiety making her shake with pure fear and sadness. she couldn't feel anything. her skin felt numb, her hands felt numb. she felt cold. so bitingly cold, like a frozen hand had grasped onto her heart, squeezing it tightly, making the beat stop, and turn into frigid ice.

the pain then consumed her, and she slowly crouched down, crying into her hands, the frozen hand forcing heavy sobs out of her already exhausted body.

and once again, she felt alone.