𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐃𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘! ( s.cb + l.f )

❧fourteen: star dust

Felix noted the way that the older boy's face faltered, and while his gaze was still on the Australian's face, he wasn't looking him in the eyes. The blonde swallowed, feeling his throat get unbearably dry as he awaited the raven haired boy's answer. Finally, after a solid thirty seconds of nothing but silence, Changbin swallowed the lump in his throat and gingerly spoke up as he removed his wrist from the younger boy's fingers.

"...I don't know what you mean," he answered.

That answer, while it obviously didn't satisfy the blonde, was what he accepted as the truth, and he shook his head.

"Nothing," he mumbled lightly, folding his hands and placing them in the center of his own lap, "forget about it."

The silence that fell after he said that coated their skin with a layer of despair, and Changbin broke it, just because he didn't like the quiet.

"...it's getting late," the older boy informed the younger, "you should go sleep now."

Felix wanted to object; but he couldn't find his voice. He wanted to say no, and he wanted to keep asking Changbin questions...But he also didn't want to be overbearing and annoying, so he bit his tongue and stood up from his place on the couch and made his way into the raven haired boy's bedroom. And, despite the fact that he wanted to rush in and refuse to sleep on the bed because it made him feel unbearably guilty to know that he was in Changbin's apartment and he was the one sleeping on the couch; the Australian simply slid under the covers and stared up at the ceiling in hopes that it would change something in some random way. He wanted random memories to come back, or writing to appear on the ceiling that would be slightly cryptic but still lead him in the right direction; because he felt like he was at a fork in the road, and he didn't know which path to take.

Liking...Boys, Felix considered, but that simply didn't feel right to him. And it wasn't because he thought that it was wrong for two boys to like one another, because he obviously supported Seungmin and Hyunjin in their relationship with one another to the fullest...But for him to like boys...No, that just didn't feel quiet right to him. He couldn't really recall a time when he'd been attracted to the same sex, but, then again, he couldn't quite remember there ever being a time when he was overwhelmingly attracted to someone of the opposite sex, either. Looking back on his life, Felix realized that he was simply too focused on other things, like school, being class president, and exams, and studying, and choir, and his job at the ice cream parlor, and literally anything else. He didn't have time for girlfriends (or boyfriends). After all, he had to carve out time for Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jeongin; even though those three were his best friends.

"Boys..." the Australian whispered the word aloud as he laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling of Changbin's apartment.

But it still felt wrong. He knew somehow that he didn't like boys. It simply wasn't in him. But that's when Seungmin's words really sunk in.

You don't have to like boys. You can just like Changbin.

He bit his lip, forgetting the fact that he'd broken skin earlier in the day, and was quick to pull away when a shooting pain resonated through the nerves in his bottom lip.

"Boys," Felix repeated, spitting the word out faster than he had the other two times.

It felt wrong because it wasn't right, and he knew it wasn't.

The Australian paused, swallowing roughly as his eyes locked on the stark while ceiling above his head.

"Changbin..." he whispered the older boy's name aloud, noting that his name felt much more natural than the word "boys".