im crying and i can't breathe because of my stuffed nose from the crying because i was watching those story corps videos
and it just made me think like it made me remember this thing that i would do
so this is a confession, a log of confessions, if you will, of me recounting various parts of my life so far as i am paranoid that i will die without telling these stories
here's one-
i can't remember exactly what grade this was in (maybe third?) but this was in elementary school
i am and always have been a forgetful person but in elementary school it was bad to the point where i would forget my lunchbox at least once a week
so, in an attempt to help me remember, my mom would put these notes in my lunchbox telling me that i had a project due tomorrow or reminding me to remember my sweater and stuff like that.
i don't know why i did this but i kept every single one of these little reminders in the back of my notebook (they were post-it notes so i stuck them to the pages and inside the cover)
most of them were just the reminders but every once in a while i would get one that would say something like "i love you" and that was it
i did that the whole year, just sticking those little pieces of paper in the back of my school notebook and for the life of me i can't imagine/remember what motivated me to do that but i am so glad i did because when i was going through my old school supplies (this was a while ago) i found this notebook and the pages of post-it notes from my mother and i just broke down
looking back on it some of them were kind of naggy but i kept them there anyway why did i do that why don't i do that anymore
i threw it away.
i threw the notebook away when my mom found it because i was embarrassed.
she's my mom, she likes to tease me so i was embarrassed about her finding out i kept her notes and i was worried she was going to tease me for it. she asked about them and i just blew her off and threw it away and i felt guilty for that
i felt guilty for never telling her about this and that's why i wrote this. so that somebody would know.
i write a lot of confessions but y'know sometimes i just have to say things. i can't bottle stuff like this up.
i'm confident that i'll ending up writing more chapters like these (as i have in the past) so stay tuned for more personal information i fuckin guess
