so yesterday i went to the doctors and it was so crowded i was there for like three hours and developed pink eye on top of my other sicknesses so that's great i need to take like three different kinds of meds ones and eye drop, ones a gummy, and ones a pill isn't that fantastic i feel like death but at least im staying home from school but anyway i was on the way to rite aid at like nine something at night and there was this red light so of course we stop and Life on Mars starts playing on the radio and i innocently look out my car window and see
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a fucking dry cleaner with this fucking sign up (it read "it is not easy to jeep trying but it always pays") and it just hit way too close to home and i wasn't sure if i was crying or just sick and it was all so surreal like i just went right into depression and existential crisis mode whoever put up that sign had no business doing that to me i was already freaking out and shit and then i just like
i looked into the void and the void looked back nothing is real man what are we even doing
is that person okay? whoever put that there are they okay because if so what the fuck
thank you i guess? i dunno but wow that was jsut so weird i was in an existential crisis induced daze for the rest of the night
we don't even have a purpose there's no such thing at time or wasting it we're just living and running around we don't even need government or control we don't need any of the things we have and why oh why is everyone so obsessed with staying alive and doing something great it just boggles the mind like you're going to die and you're going to get hated and forgotten and you're going to get loved and remembered but you can't control that
no
you can't truly control anyone just yourself and why can't people just grasp that
why can't they realize how stupid they all look
how pointless it all really is
im stupid too, just the same as everyone else we're just animals with thumbs and thirsts for power and complex minds that can be compared to universes and why did we of all creatures get that privilege
it's all so strange
if dogs had what we did, it might be different
or it might be the same, just another corrupt world run by adorable creatures with thumbs and figurative big heads
i can't sleep
i don't think i have insomnia i just have trouble falling asleep it just takes a little while but i get there eventually, it just takes time same with everything else
i'll never understand how people can take naps i haven't napped since i was a baby i remember nap time in pre school i stayed awake, surrounded by sleeping children it was very boring
idk... i think im just going to try to do something creative and unimportant to all but myself because that's all i do that's all i'm good at
