Socially Awkward(COMPLETED/REWRITING)

|| • Chapter 19 • ||

|| • Chapter 19 • ||

My room was trashed.

I was mad.

I wasn't mad at Felix. No I had no reason to be mad at him. It wasn't his fault.

It was mine.

I was stupid.

I was the one who gave him the ok to carry on.

I was the one who allowed him to use me.

So he wasn't to blame.

I was.

I let out another scream and tossed a shoe across the room. It hit the wall with a loud smack and then fell to the floor with a muffled thud.

Then I realized I was still naked.

Wiping the tears from my face I marched into the bathroom and drew a bath. Once it was halfway filled I turned off the water as I got in. The water was hot but not hot enough to burn me. Just hot enough to make me hiss at the sting before my skin got used to it.

Once I no longer felt it I scrubbed every inch of my body. I scrubbed until my nerve cells tingled and my skin was red. Even then I continued to scrub.

I was angry at my skin. It wouldn't forget his hands. How they touched everywhere. Or his lips. How they kissed everywhere.

I screamed as I scrubbed my leg and when it didn't work I gave up and just laid back in the tub. Slowly I slid down in the tub and my legs bent. I stopped once the water was up to my neck. I stared up at the shower head and got an idea.

I quickly sat up and began draining the tub. I sat with my legs folding the best I could and turned on the shower. Water began streaming out of it into the tub and onto my head, drenching my hair

Not long after I began to sob because I thought of Bryn.

If he found out it will probably crush him.

I felt horrible. The same night he tells me he has insecurities I go and screw some guy. I was a horrible person. I didn't deserve his kindness or his time.

I almost had the nerve to get out the tub and tell him everything then beg for his forgiveness. Almost.

What caused me to stop was the fact I couldn't tell him. I wouldn't dare voice it out loud let alone tell another person.

I pushed my raunchy night with Felix to the depths of my mind into a box that was never to be open again.

After about ten minutes I turned off the water and changed into my pajamas. I stayed up long enough for my hair to become damp, mainly because I was cleaning my room back up. When it was finished I fell asleep in my bed, thankfully I changed my sheets first or I would've slept in the spare room.

I bundled up in the extra set of blankets, because mine had to be washed, and tried hiding from the cold air.

I had opened the window to air out the smell. Christa didn't need to know and I didn't need to be reminded of the memory.

Before I fell asleep I sent a group message to the guys, and Dylan, saying I was taking a few days to myself. I also sent a text to Bryn saying that I wish he was here and that was true. He was my little piece of home that didn't make me homesick.

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The next morning I woke up to arms around my waist. I didn't question it. I found it better not to question things because questioning them brought unwanted results.