When The Day Met The Night

54

The summer tour is starting in about a week, I've been so busy with that I haven't had time with Ryan. I felt so bad so I offered to take him out tonight, my last day off before tour.

"Ready to go Brendon?" He asks as I put my leather jacket on.
"Yeah." I turn around and smile at him. I grab my glasses off the bed and put them on to check my look and then head out with Ryan.
"What's the plan?" He questions as we go out to my car.
"Dinner is all I had in mind. I'd offer to go drinking but I have an early day tomorrow" I explain and he nods.

Once we get to the restaurant we go in and are seated by a window. My eyes fall on a girl with blonde curly hair right outside, getting out of a car. My hearts sinks for a moment when I think it's Rian but I look closer and realize it isn't. I miss her though and I really wish I could be with her but that will never work out.
It's weird though, that girl looks so much like Rian. The way she smiles, the way her hair looks. I could swear-
"Brendon!" Ryan says and I snap out of my thoughts. I turn my bead back to Ryan and blink to rid the thoughts.
"Yeah?" I ask.
"I've been thinking a lot recently about us you know. And I know getting back out there is weird cause you just went through a divorce and a messy break up but maybe...I don't know-you and I could-try?" He ponders.
"Yeah...I don't know Ryan. I'm still pretty torn up about her. I love Rian and some days when I see her at work I want to tell her I fucked up when pushing her away. I don't think right now is a good time to start anything." I explain.
"No yeah, I get it. I'm sorry for even asking it." He shakes his head.
"No..Ryan I'm sorry for being so caught up in my shit. I like being your friend right now anyways, that's what I need right now. A friend-please" I place a sympathetic hand on his.
"Of course Brendon" He smiles.

*2 weeks later*
God Rian is so gorgeous! What did I do to myself?! I not only broke her heart but broke mine as well. I see her everyday at work and we're on tour so we travel so much.
I stare at her from the stage as she looks around and talks to Zack. Her eyes dart to me and I look away embarrassed. What did I do?!
I need her back. I just do.
"Go talk to her" Nicole, our new bassist says and I look at her, how does she even know about any of this? She's been here for like 2 months.
"I can't just...talk to her" I shake my head.
"And why not? You still love her don't you?"
"Yeah but...wait how do you know about any of this?" I raise my eyebrow.
"Zack filled me in" she shrugs.
"Of course he did...anyways. Rian and I-were complicated and it always ends up shitty."
"Or maybe you're just afraid to try again because of previous outcomes. Have some faith dude"
"In what? Jesus?" I laugh.
"No...in love. I see the way you two look at each other. It's destiny." She smiles.
Maybe she's right. Maybe.

"I'll see you later Ryan" I smile as he leaves. I go back stage and see Zack talking to Rian and when she sees me I look away instantly. She then runs off and I follow after her. I watch her run into the bathroom and I hear crying. I just want to pull her in and kiss her but...I can't. I have to be strong for the both of us no matter what Nicole says.
After a few minutes she comes out wiping her tears. "Rian. Are you okay?" I ask
"Yeah, I'm fine. Of course I am. I broke up with you. Remember?" She says. I can tell she's lying but I don't tell her I know. I wish this was easier but I'm so conflicted about this whole thing.
"I was just checking on you. I'm really glad you decided to keep your job. As much as I hate that we aren't together anymore we would be great as friends and you're an amazing photographer." I smile to play off how I really feel. I feel like shit.
"Thanks" She smiles and walks away. I hate myself more and more everyday that I don't tell her how I really feel.